This Guy Studies Man Caves for a Living; Here’s What He’s Learned

[MachineGhost]

No wonder so many [non-single?] men are such submissive pussies nowadays. Gag me with a pitchfork!

He opens the door and there are a series of card tables inside with puzzles on each of them. Some of them were more complete than others. I asked, “Wait, are we actually in the man cave right now?” He looked at me and said, “Are you kidding me?! OF COURSE WE ARE! My wife would never let me have this many puzzles out at the same time!”

So as opposed to a place to watch sports, for some men, the defining feature of a man cave is, “My wife would never let me do X, Y or Z.” Or: “She doesn’t like this chair, and it’s my favorite chair, so we relegate that chair to a room in the house that only I use.”

Why do these men feel as though they need a whole separate area of the house to “be themselves” or to pursue interests their partners might not like?

When I’ve asked straight men what role a man cave plays in their relationship, the most common answer I get is, “I feel like the whole house is hers. And this is a space for me.” When I follow up with, “Okay, but do you think she has spaces in the house as well?” They typically respond, “Absolutely! She has tons of spaces that are essentially hers.” When I press them on which rooms those are, they list off rooms associated with domestic labor, not with leisure — the kitchen, the laundry room, etc.

I think some of this has do with the fact that men feel as though the domestic space isn’t something they have ownership of. I also think it’s a result of men getting more leisure time than women in heterosexual relationships.

https://features.wearemel.com/this-guy- ... .a7lvn341x

[dualstow]

All I have room for is a home office or den. It is far from a man cave, but it is definitely a style-free zone, and I rarely let her inside. As for the rest of the house, we keep it clean, or *did* before the cat came along. Now it's full of cat stuff. I guess you could say it's literally pussified!

[Xan]

[Mountaineer]

ROFLOL

... I'VE HAD MY LAUGH OF THE DAY. Back to mundaneness.

... Mountaineer

[dualstow]

That's got to be the Onion.

[MachineGhost]

LOL!

I wouldn't mind getting a cat to replace Grandma but the ethical concerns are a bit thorny to work through (indoor living is psychologically and physiologically harmful to cats). Devil on my left shoulder, Angel on my right...

[MachineGhost]

No wonder so many [non-single?] men are such submissive pussies nowadays. Gag me with a pitchfork!

I don't understand how your comment relates to the article's content.

Did you even read the article? Surely you're noticed the feminization trend of men over the past several decades? Having to have a Man Cave as a carve out is another sad sack symptom of it.

This part makes me want to throw up:

And yet, in a few households, you’ve discovered that the man cave is actually her space.

Yeah, I’ve interviewed more than a few heterosexual couples where the woman refers to a room as her man cave. Lots of those have been sports-den type places. It could be a heterosexual couple where the wife is really into a team and her partner doesn’t care about sports. To tease him about his masculinity, she creates a man cave so as to say, “You’re not a man in this house.” Both of them are in on the joke. Which tells us that it’s not just the people in the room that qualify it as a man cave, but what activities are taking place there, and what objects they collect there. Those are the things that designate a room as a masculine space as opposed to who uses it.

[dualstow]

LOL!

I wouldn't mind getting a cat to replace Grandma but the ethical concerns are a bit thorny to work through (indoor living is psychologically and physiologically harmful to cats). Devil on my left shoulder, Angel on my right...

Our cat will always be an indoor cat, although we plan to *try* to take her for walks in the future.

Nothing wrong with having a man cave if one can afford it. That doesn't mean one is sacrificing the rest of the house. But, of course, marriage does require some compromise. Nothing wimpy about that.

[MachineGhost]

Our cat will always be an indoor cat, although we plan to *try* to take her for walks in the future.

Nothing wrong with having a man cave if one can afford it. That doesn't mean one is sacrificing the rest of the house. But, of course, marriage does require some compromise. Nothing wimpy about that.

How do you "walk" a cat? That sounds pretty cool and novel if its possible. I'd feel better too!

In my book, compromise doesn't mean 95% to the woman and 5% to the man. And that is why I'm not married. I'm with Browne on it about it being socialism and not good for anyone.

[Tyler]

My brother has a man cave full of video game stuff all connected to a projector. His wife has a woman cave with a ton of scrapbooking supplies. Honestly, I think they're both doing it right. They have full respect for each others' hobbies in addition to their mutual interests.

[dualstow]

Our cat will always be an indoor cat, although we plan to *try* to take her for walks in the future.

Nothing wrong with having a man cave if one can afford it. That doesn't mean one is sacrificing the rest of the house. But, of course, marriage does require some compromise. Nothing wimpy about that.

How do you "walk" a cat? That sounds pretty cool and novel if its possible. I'd feel better too!

I met a lady in the park who has been walking her Bengal for 8 years. I actually first spotted her 8 years ago, so I know it's true unless she's been switching cats on me, but that would make it even more impressive. I finally asked her a few questions about it this summer.

She uses a leash. Started when the cat was young (as you can glean from the paragraph above). She takes him to the park in a backpack. If anything goes wrong with kids or dogs, she just puts him in the backpack. The backpack is a kind of dog carrier, and I think the brand was Outward Hound.

He's a confident walker these days. He walked right over my seated friend like he was furniture.

EDIT: when I looked up the backpack, it looks like something you put on pooches, rather than around them. Member coffee might be familiar with them. Well, in any case, they can hold cats. I have seen it.

[MachineGhost]

Well, I'm not unaware of the irony of a straight guy walking a cat... I don't know if I can do that.

[Tyler]

I have a neighbor who walks her dog pretty regularly and her cat dutifully follows on their route (no leash required). Pretty cool.

Now walking a cat on a leash? Even if mine would tolerate that (ha!) I'm not sure I could pull it off.

[MachineGhost]

Something to ponder: I think this forum is our Communal Man Cave. We only have two or three token women inside.

But its true that the women's liberation and progressive movement have slowly destroyed Men Only activities out in the public sphere. I never really thought about it before (since I'm naturally introverted), but it is true. And that is sad. And I wonder what the cost has been (besides pussification) and will be.

Now that I have everyone's attention: My avatar is Gene Wilder hugging the Monster. One doesn't have to be overtly masculine to be a real man like he was.

[dualstow]

We have two or three woman, but in no way are they token women.

Now walking a cat on a leash? Even if mine would tolerate that (ha!) I'm not sure I could pull it off.

I don't think any of the cats I had growing up would've gone for it either. One never left the house, preferring to watch the world go by through a window. The other was constantly outside in the fields near our home, and basically used us for room & board.

It helps if the cat is bengal or part bengal.

[curlew]

Since I got forced into early retirement a month ago while my wife is still working I have been establishing my man cave. It's the whole house. I've taken up all the cleaning and cooking and everything but the laundry which I will start doing eventually.

At first she didn't seem to like it very much and kept trying to tell me how to do things properly. I think I've made it pretty clear to her that I'm retired and have been taking orders from bosses all my life and I'm not doing that any more. I told her if she is going to tell me what to do and how to do it then I am going to walk away and go fishing and she can go back to doing it herself. She got the picture and I think she is finally starting to like it.

[MachineGhost]

Why does it make you throw up? I guess I don't understand your reaction here.

If you don't understand, then you are already pussified.

I don't care if decades of liberal LGBTQIA cultural brainwashing has convinced men there's nothing natural, innate or biological about masculinity and being dominant. That is utter bullshit! That is what makes me want to throw up! Women don't own that space and never will, so trying to act like they do (or actually do) is revolting, moreso when such men willingly submit to this new order of matriarchy.

What's more insufferable than that? Pussy men who preface "I'm sorry" or "I apologize" everytime to state they maybe believe in some non-matriarchy principle that risks (or will) pissing off or offending a woman. These are usually Millennials since they've grown up with this claptrap.

[MachineGhost]

At first she didn't seem to like it very much and kept trying to tell me how to do things properly. I think I've made it pretty clear to her that I'm retired and have been taking orders from bosses all my life and I'm not doing that any more. I told her if she is going to tell me what to do and how to do it then I am going to walk away and go fishing and she can go back to doing it herself. She got the picture and I think she is finally starting to like it.

No pussy man, you!

[Pointedstick]

The lord doth protest too much, methinks.

[Maddy]

I don't care if decades of liberal LGBTQIA cultural brainwashing has convinced men there's nothing natural, innate or biological about masculinity and being dominant. That is utter bullshit! That is what makes me want to throw up! Women don't own that space and never will, so trying to act like they do (or actually do) is revolting, moreso when such men willingly submit to this new order of matriarchy.

Well, that's fine. . . Just keep your hands off my tools.

[dualstow]

[Maddy]

The feminization of men is real, but it's not easy to identify where it's coming from. Dominant women? I don't think so, although MG's experience is obviously different. My own observation is that despite our being 50+ years into the so-called women's movement, women by and large are still looking for ways to get out of taking care of themselves.

I'd hazard a guess that many women who treat their men badly are doing it not because they're dominant, but because they feel insignificant and powerless. The run-of-the-mill 18 to 28-year-old uses her physical assets and cunning to snag the best looking, most successful (evolutionarily speaking, the most dominant) male she can. For a while she enjoys the power that his money and social prestige bring her, but as time goes on her life feels empty and meaningless. She comes to resent the trap she set for herself and takes it out on hubby through passive-aggressive, demeaning jabs. Am I even close here?

[Pointedstick]

Here's my guess: on average, males genuinely are less socially valuable today than in the past.

In the past, an average or below-average man had a set of guaranteed socially-valuable fallback choices that could earn him respect and a decent living: becoming a warrior or a manual laborer. These are pursuits that, throwing aside political correctness, most people can admit that men are genuinely better at then women.

But today these options have been substantially curtailed. Society is largely safe, cocooned within bubbles of defensive violence projected by faraway professionals, with little benefit for the average man's becoming proficient in weaponry and fighting. Military and police academies are actually very selective; you don't just get in automatically if you're not good at much else. Additionally, technology and automation have leveled the labor playing field with women; a woman can in theory operate a computer, electric drill, or backhoe just as well as a man and for just as long a time. Competition with imported or exported foreign labor has also diminished the wages of manual laborers.

If you're a "winner" in today's skills-and-brain-based economy, this is probably academic to you; your skills and brains will get you wealth and respect just like they used to in ye olden days, when you might have been a sage, alchemist, smithy, priest, or scribe. But all the other men realize that today they are less socially valuable as men than they would have been in the past. Each such man must decide how to proceed. Some decide to emulate women--the gender that has retained and even expanded its social value. Others reject this and attempt to "reclaim" their lost masculine value by prominently training with weapons, building their muscles, and enjoying the aesthetic and status benefits of these pursuits--if not actually producing much of value with them. But each man must make a choice.

[Maddy]

Each such man must decide how to proceed. Some decide to emulate women--the gender that has retained and even expanded its social value. Others reject this and attempt to "reclaim" their lost masculine value by prominently training with weapons, building their muscles, and enjoying the aesthetic and status benefits of these pursuits--if not actually producing much of value with them. But each man must make a choice.

Very interesting analysis. One thing that I particularly enjoy about living in the boonies is that men are still men. In a rural environment, there's still plenty of call for brute strength and that certain come-to-the-rescue reflex that seems to be inextricably linked to the Y chromosome. Those attributes are highly valued, not continually demeaned as they are in the city.

Interestingly, the physical build of men in the country is, on the whole, much different than those in the city--much more so than you would expect from a lifetime of hard physical work alone. That part remains a mystery to me.

[MachineGhost]

Interestingly, the physical build of men in the country is, on the whole, much different than those in the city--much more so than you would expect from a lifetime of hard physical work alone. That part remains a mystery to me.

What do you mean -- they're all husky and overweight looking rather than toned and muscular? I mean, you got to rule out all the LGBTQIA feminine skinny anorexic men that live in the urban jungle first to get at what a man looks like anymore. Skinny jeans were invented specifically for those people! I daresay you will never find a man wearing a skinny jean in the boonies. OTOH, they're not going to be health conscious in the boonies either. I can't imagine them eating salads. No, they're gonna be eating the fried chicken, mashed potaoes & gravy, buttermilk biscuits and collard greens or whatever passes for the high carb, high fat regional slop. So they wind up looking like this:

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