A Life Beyond "Do What You Love"

[Pointedstick]

Wonderful article. As a person whose "passion" seems to change every few years, this advice has always rang hollow to me. For many, it can become a real Harry Brownian psychological trap, too, as you spin your wheels doing what you love, only to hate the results of poverty, stress, poor nutrition, and excessive contact with marginal people. This comment summed it up for me:

Having graduated with an English degree, getting a job as a newspaper editor was a dream job!
Where did "doing what I loved" get me? Broke with defaulted loans and bad credit. I struggled for close to a decade until finally jumping ship.
Now, I'm a wedding planner. Is it less cerebral? Yes. And I can't say that I "love" it. But, making a living rather than struggling for an idea that I had for myself has given me the economic freedom to vacation, purchase things that I need or want, help family members in need, pay my bills and drive a decent enough vehicle. It afforded me to live my life.
"Loving what you do" is a wealthy person's motto. If they got harassing calls from creditors, drove a beat up Civic, and ate breakfast for dinner daily because it was cheap, they would sing a different tune.

[doodle]

But, making a living rather than struggling for an idea that I had for myself has given me the economic freedom to vacation, purchase things that I need or want, help family members in need, pay my bills and drive a decent enough vehicle. It afforded me to live my life.

I didn't read the article but I would approach these problems with different solutions....different strokes for different folks I guess.

problem: vacation - solution: live in a nice place and have a low stress job

problem: purchase things that I need or want - solution: readjust your wants and needs

problem: help a family member in need - solution: the best help is usually of a non-monetary kind

problem: pay my bills and drive a decent enough vehicle - solution: reduce wants and live close to where you work and play so that having a vehicle isn't necessary

[doodle]

As far as not liking what you "do", Im currently trying to overcome that as well by borrowing some ideas from Zen which would say, whatever you are doing, just do that. Oftentimes we don't like something because we are actually not present with the activity itself and instead we are focused on what we would or could rather be doing instead. This is a recipe for constant discontent because you are always comparing instead of just seeing the activity for what it is. When you are washing dishes, just wash the dishes and do your best to immerse yourself into that activity. Once you start thinking about how you would rather be watching TV or going for a walk instead of washing the dishes then you open yourself up to discontent.

I was thinking the other day about how we choose to define some things as work and others as play. Take golf for example. While most people view it as a leisurely game, it can really be viewed as an awful task if you choose to define it as such. Going out into the sweltering heat and hitting a ball which you have to chase after and find  and then eventually put it into an incredibly small hole only to have to repeat the same stupid task 18 times sounds pretty awful. Why is it that we find such a task so amusing yet other tasks like washing windows or mopping the floor so much drudgery?

[Tyler]

Excellent article.

I personally came from the "do what you love" camp and have always been drawn to it in theory.  It's even served me well, as my personal experience is that when you're clearly excited about something employers tend to reward that.  However, I've found over time that the concept falls short when applied to the real world because when you get down to it noone really loves work.  As my wife likes to say, there's no Job Charming out there waiting to sweep you off your feet.  So the end result is that even the job you love today will most likely wear on you tomorrow, and if you're depending on your career to provide meaning in your life you'll end up perpetually disappointed.  Eight employers later (all highly rewarding for varying amounts of time) I've reached the point where I've finally come to terms with the realization that career =/= purpose (at least in the modern corporate sense).  We were not born to be cogs in a machine.

I also totally agree with the premise that doing what you love is a luxury.  A poster on another forum introduced me to the idea of "meaning inflation", where one's concept of purpose scales as more of your needs are met.  Someone just trying to scrape by and feed their family doesn't give a crap about loving their job -- they're content providing for their loved ones.  But a wealthy Stanford MBA just couldn't imagine not holding out for a socially-conscious non-profit dream job saving the planet right out of school. 

[Tyler]

But I do struggle with how to advise my son. 

IMHO, encourage your son to follow his interests in work.  But advise him that passions are most enjoyable when they're strictly not-for-profit. Work will never love you back.

And I'm personally biased towards the financial independence message. The less you need a job (both financially and emotionally) the more free you are to truly do what you love. The fewer your desires, the easier they are to meet.

[Mountaineer]

But I do struggle with how to advise my son. 

IMHO, encourage your son to follow his interests in work.  But advise him that passions are most enjoyable when they're strictly not-for-profit. Work will never love you back.

And I'm personally biased towards the financial independence message. The less you need a job (both financially and emotionally) the more free you are to truly do what you love. The fewer your desires, the easier they are to meet.

+1

[doodle]

But I do struggle with how to advise my son. 

IMHO, encourage your son to follow his interests in work.  But advise him that passions are most enjoyable when they're strictly not-for-profit. Work will never love you back.

And I'm personally biased towards the financial independence message. The less you need a job (both financially and emotionally) the more free you are to truly do what you love. The fewer your desires, the easier they are to meet.

+1

+2 and I also find the less I actually need to work for money, the more enjoyable work becomes. It's almost as if the fact that I'm being paid to do it spoils the fun of it for me.

[MachineGhost]

I was thinking the other day about how we choose to define some things as work and others as play. Take golf for example. While most people view it as a leisurely game, it can really be viewed as an awful task if you choose to define it as such. Going out into the sweltering heat and hitting a ball which you have to chase after and find  and then eventually put it into an incredibly small hole only to have to repeat the same stupid task 18 times sounds pretty awful. Why is it that we find such a task so amusing yet other tasks like washing windows or mopping the floor so much drudgery?

Expectations and a lot of our expectations comes from social environment.

As to the article, all I could think was that if you don't love what you do, you're a slave.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.  Every job is a grind; its passion that makes you stick it out at a higher level.  Now maybe the Walmart greeter that has a burned off face is even lucky to have a job and is probably facing up to interesting psychological issues in forcing herself to be seen by many normal people that recoil at first glance (I flinched, but inside only to be polite), but a typical Walmart associate is probably just doing such a low-paying job because they need to live and/or support their family, not that they genuinely love their job (though some sure seem to act like they do and they are a pleasure to deal with).  The problem is people that don't have passion for their job are wasting their potential talents drifting along in mediocrity and which could be put to better use in improving humanity.  How many historical mavericks/investors/gamechangers were bored with their job as opposed to being passionate?  I've watched enough episodes of Dirty Jobs to realize the whole world would grind to a halt without a lot of virtual slaves doing jobs no one else has a passion for, even themselves.  It's a huge waste of human potential so the rest of us can have a much higher standard of living.

And the pink elephant in the room is.... don't get pregnant or anyone else pregnant and stay off the Hedonic Envy Treadmill and then you won't have to take jobs you don't love!!!  Doh.  I'm a little unsympathetic with people twisting themselves into a pretzel all to avoid confronting the pink elephant.

[Tyler]

And the pink elephant in the room is.... don't get pregnant or anyone else pregnant and stay off the Hedonic Envy Treadmill and then you won't have to take jobs you don't love!!!  Doh.

Heh.  That's solid advice.  Nothing derails the best laid plans like kids and debt.

+2 and I also find the less I actually need to work for money, the more enjoyable work becomes. It's almost as if the fact that I'm being paid to do it spoils the fun of it for me.

It took a while to remember where I read this, but finally dug up a quote from Shop Class as Soulcraft:

“There is a classic psychology experiment that seems to confirm Brewer's point. Children who enjoy drawing were given marker pens and allowed to go at it. Some were rewarded for drawing (they were given a certificate with a gold seal and a ribbon, and told ahead of time about this arrangement, whereas for others the issue of rewards was never raised. Weeks later, those who had been rewarded took less interest in drawing, and their drawings were judged to be lower in quality, whereas those who had not been rewarded continued to enjoy the activity and produced higher-quality drawings. The hypothesis is that the child begins to attribute his interest, which previously needed no justification, to the external reward, and this has the effect of reducing his intrinsic interest in it. That is, an external reward can affect one's interpretation of one's own motivation, an interpretation that comes to be self-fulfilling.”?

[doodle]

It took a while to remember where I read this, but finally dug up a quote from Shop Class as Soulcraft:

“There is a classic psychology experiment that seems to confirm Brewer's point. Children who enjoy drawing were given marker pens and allowed to go at it. Some were rewarded for drawing (they were given a certificate with a gold seal and a ribbon, and told ahead of time about this arrangement, whereas for others the issue of rewards was never raised. Weeks later, those who had been rewarded took less interest in drawing, and their drawings were judged to be lower in quality, whereas those who had not been rewarded continued to enjoy the activity and produced higher-quality drawings. The hypothesis is that the child begins to attribute his interest, which previously needed no justification, to the external reward, and this has the effect of reducing his intrinsic interest in it. That is, an external reward can affect one's interpretation of one's own motivation, an interpretation that comes to be self-fulfilling.”?

The way to enjoy life therefore is to give up any idea that it has any meaning, purpose, or reward at the end......kind of the opposite of what every religion says.

[Tyler]

The way to enjoy life therefore is to give up any idea that it has any meaning, purpose, or reward at the end......kind of the opposite of what every religion says.

Nah -- I wouldn't go that far.  Like the kids who just like drawing with no justification needed or your Zen state of washing the dishes, meaning, purpose, and reward are best when they are intrinsic values of the here and now.  It's the expectation of future compensation that has a way of spoiling the mindset to the point where one is no longer present in the current activity. 

[clacy]

I will advise my kids strongly to have a balance between "doing what they love" -and- "find a career that will pay the bills".  You have to try to do both, IMO.

I hate the stress of being broke, far more than the stress of doing something that isn't necessarily my passion.

[flyingpylon]

I recently heard Mike Rowe (the Dirty Jobs guy) speak at a conference, and he feels that "follow your passion" is some of the worst career advice ever.  He suggested that people should not follow their passion but instead should bring it with them wherever they go.  Seems to make a lot of sense to me, and is a happy medium between "do what you love" and "pay the bills".

[gizmo_rat]

The original article didn't touch me, but a lot of the comments on it did. Amongst them there was a reference to an essay by Bob Black, "The abolition of work", written back in the early 80's. The essay is an epic rant about work as it's currently done and it's effects both on the individual and society as a whole.

It cuts pretty close to the bone particularly when viewed through 30 years of progress. There's definitely milage in considering how the emergent corporate "servitude through surveillance" culture he highlights then pretty much defines  society now. Definitely worth the half hour it takes to read it.         

To define it [work] is to despise it

http://www.inspiracy.com/black/abolitio ... fwork.html

 

[ns3]

When it comes to making a living doing what you love that ship sailed away for me a long time ago.

The last time I enjoyed sitting here in my cubicle staring at the screen was when I wrote the program that pops up every morning and tells me how many hours are left until my planned retirement date. This morning's number was 4848 which I thought was a nicely symmetrical number and perhaps it means I'm going to win the lottery this weekend. Hope springs eternal.

[WildAboutHarry]

4848 hours/2080 work hours/year = 2.33 years?

Or

4848 hours/ 8760 hours/year = 0.55 years?

Or some other denominator?

Either way, congratulations.

[doodle]

I never thought that a year has only 8760 hours.....wow, that's much less than I expected.

[ns3]

4848 hours/2080 work hours/year = 2.33 years?

Or

4848 hours/ 8760 hours/year = 0.55 years?

Or some other denominator?

Either way, congratulations.

It was actually 4848 working hours exactly, taking into account company holidays and paid vacation days (now 4839, BTW). My calculator also shows it in days and weeks but I like looking at the hours better because the number goes down faster.

Might retire sooner or later but at least I have a date in mind to help me get through the boredom. And I would have to say that boredom is probably the only reason I'm thinking about retiring at age 68. I had planned on going until 70 because my wife is much younger but I'm no longer convinced that I will be able to stick it out.

[Mountaineer]

... my wife is much younger but I'm no longer convinced that I will be able to stick it out.

... Mountaineer

[ns3]

... my wife is much younger but I'm no longer convinced that I will be able to stick it out.

... Mountaineer

If I didn't know you were such a good Christian Mountaineer, I would think you were engaging in some "coarse jesting" (Ephesians 5:4).

[Mountaineer]

... my wife is much younger but I'm no longer convinced that I will be able to stick it out.

... Mountaineer

If I didn't know you were such a good Christian Mountaineer, I would think you were engaging in some "coarse jesting" (Ephesians 5:4).

I was totally  focused on the whole context of love and thanksgiving in Ephesians 5.  I'm sorry I gave you the impression of being a lowly sinner in need of absolution and forgiveness 

... Mountaineer

Walk in Love

5 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

3 But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. 4 Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. 5 For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. 7 Therefore do not become partners with them; 8 for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light 9 (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), 10 and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. 11 Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. 12 For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. 13 But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, 14 for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says,

“Awake, O sleeper,
    and arise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”?
15 Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, 20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Wives and Husbands

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”? 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

[doodle]

Might retire sooner or later but at least I have a date in mind to help me get through the boredom. And I would have to say that boredom is probably the only reason I'm thinking about retiring at age 68. I had planned on going until 70 because my wife is much younger but I'm no longer convinced that I will be able to stick it out.

Its insanity to me that this is the case for so many people (myself included) when our fundamental needs of food, clothing, and shelter can be met with minimal effort by our amazingly advanced society...why are the majority of people stuck wasting their days away doing meaningless and boring jobs? After we have food and a place to sleep the true toils of life are done and we should be engaged in things which bring us pleasure....

[Kshartle]

Might retire sooner or later but at least I have a date in mind to help me get through the boredom. And I would have to say that boredom is probably the only reason I'm thinking about retiring at age 68. I had planned on going until 70 because my wife is much younger but I'm no longer convinced that I will be able to stick it out.

Its insanity to me that this is the case for so many people (myself included) when our fundamental needs of food, clothing, and shelter can be met with minimal effort by our amazingly advanced society...why are the majority of people stuck wasting their days away doing meaningless and boring jobs? After we have food and a place to sleep the true toils of life are done and we should be engaged in things which bring us pleasure....

Some of us want more than fundamental needs met. Toys and travel, and in my girlfriends case.......$300 a weekend spent on eating out and high priced drinks.

The latter part I blame on Disney princess movies.

[doodle]

Might retire sooner or later but at least I have a date in mind to help me get through the boredom. And I would have to say that boredom is probably the only reason I'm thinking about retiring at age 68. I had planned on going until 70 because my wife is much younger but I'm no longer convinced that I will be able to stick it out.

Its insanity to me that this is the case for so many people (myself included) when our fundamental needs of food, clothing, and shelter can be met with minimal effort by our amazingly advanced society...why are the majority of people stuck wasting their days away doing meaningless and boring jobs? After we have food and a place to sleep the true toils of life are done and we should be engaged in things which bring us pleasure....

Some of us want more than fundamental needs met. Toys and travel, and in my girlfriends case.......$300 a weekend spent on eating out and high priced drinks.

The latter part I blame on Disney princess movies.

Have you explained to your girlfriend the concept of the hedonic treadmill?

[Pointedstick]

Have you explained to your girlfriend the concept of the hedonic treadmill?

Boy, that sure sounds romantic.