Help me get drunk

[moda0306]

If you like sourness, lemon/lime infused drink tend to wipe away the liquor flavor with amazing efficiency.

[l82start]

I also forgot about vodka, but that's because I can't drink it anymore (same with rum).  Which is fine since all I need is Canadian whiskey and single-malt scotch (although I'll go with blended scotch when I'm feeling cheap).

ditto for the bad experiences souring vodka and rum for me, i can drink dark rum in small quantity again after many years, but i still avoid vodka and vodka mix drinks...

i am partial to single malt scotch as well but i am cheap more often then not, i find ballantines to be a suitable mid shelf blended scotch, it is better than most by my taste buds..

[ns3]

ditto for the bad experiences souring vodka and rum for me, i can drink dark rum again in small quantity again after many years, but i still avoid vodka and vodka mix drinks...

My first experience with vodka was in Nha Be, just north of Saigon on Christmas day. Me and some friends got tired of drinking beer but we didn't have any idea what else to order. Somebody thought of "screwdrivers" although we didn't really know what it was. Turned out to be just vodka and orange juice and all you could really taste was the orange juice so we downed a lot of them.

I'm actually too embarrassed to tell the tale that followed.

And I had a similar experience years later when I tried it again. Usually I get very mellow when I drink but not with vodka.

Maybe this explains some of the Russian behavior.

[moda0306]

Rum is evil, and has been since I made a fire flare up with Bacardi 151.

I just puked in my mouth a little.

[Kshartle]

Whatever you decide to drink, avoid malt liquor.  It was my first bad experience with alcohol many years ago (I assumed it was like beer) and I continue to avoid it to this day.  Fortunately, most of the alternatives you've heard mentioned here so far are much better.

Jesus Cuuuurist man. This is an investment forum. Malt liqour?!?!?!?

look, I drank my share of ole E, Mickey's, the bull, and plenty of other malt liqours but only before I cared about my investments!!!!!!!

Luv it.

[Kshartle]

Somebody thought of "screwdrivers" although we didn't really know what it was. Turned out to be just vodka and orange juice and all you could really taste was the orange juice so we downed a lot of them.

I'm actually too embarrassed to tell the tale that followed.

That's why I doubled up the recomendation.

Screwdrivers are tossed away like some embarassing alcoholic deflowering exprience but honestly......huge merit...and always a decent option, regardless of anyones judgement. And anyone that would judge you for mixing one up as an adult or ordering at a bar......eff em. It's a classic.

[WildAboutHarry]

Ugh, wine. I can't stand it.

In my formative years (pre and just barely legal) I was a "fan" of such fare as Ripple, Boone's Farm (apple or strawberry), etc. (but never Thunderbird or Wild Irish Rose!).  To paraphrase Will Rogers, I [almost] never met a wine I didn't like. 

An acquaintance suggested to me that if I wanted to try fine red wine, a good way to start was to try a high-quality varietal rose, and then transition to the varietal.  I have to say it worked.

Anyway, don't give up on wine. It goes with food.  It is food.

And since Malt Liquor came up, I was a successful participant in a 101 contest, successful meaning I didn't puke.

[HB Reader]

Ugh, wine. I can't stand it.

In my formative years (pre and just barely legal) I was a "fan" of such fare as Ripple, Boone's Farm (apple or strawberry), etc. (but never Thunderbird or Wild Irish Rose!).  To paraphrase Will Rogers, I [almost] never met a wine I didn't like. 

An acquaintance suggested to me that if I wanted to try fine red wine, a good way to start was to try a high-quality varietal rose, and then transition to the varietal.  I have to say it worked.

Anyway, don't give up on wine. It goes with food.  It is food.

And since Malt Liquor came up, I was a successful participant in a 101 contest, successful meaning I didn't puke.

Well, then you were certainly more successful as a novice than I was!  While I don't ever want to relive the malt liquor (the Bull) experience, that was the start of some pretty fun years for me.  George Bernard Shaw had it right when he observed that youth is wasted on the young.

With age, I've come to agree with you about wine and food.  I followed a similar wine journey beginning with a popular "high quality" (relatively speaking, in those years) rose from Portugal. 

[Kshartle]

I was a "fan" of such fare as Ripple,

So was Fred Sanford.

[Kriegsspiel]

Malt liquor is delicious, but make you you get the highest quality, Mickey's; accept no substitutes.

[barrett]

Just ambling around The Bowery in Manhattan this morning and I think I saw PS sleeping on a heating vent. We have led him astray. On a positive note, gold seems poised to move higher after yesterday's mini correction.

[Kriegsspiel]

Contrary to what all those bogleheads say, you CAN drink gold.

Goldschlager. Boom.

[ns3]

Any drinking story that starts with "My first experience with vodka was in Nha Be, just north of Saigon on Christmas day" is bound to be a really good drinking story.

Well, it was an interesting case study in different reactions to vodka. I remember one of my buddies wanting to go and sit under a Christmas tree so we found the closest thing to it we could and that's where we left him. As for me, the last thing I remember is ripping off my uniform and announcing my intention to deliver my immediate resignation from the Navy in person to the the commanding officer. I don't remember much after that.

[Mountaineer]

Remember these?  Maybe PS can try some oldies.

Harvey Wallbanger

Golden Cadillac

Tequila Sunrise

Grasshopper

Brandy Alexander

Southern Comfort Old Fashioned

Cold Duck

Annie Greensprings

Bali-Hai

[WildAboutHarry]

[quote=Desert]Before dismissing tequila entirely[/quote]

I have dismissed tequila, entirely, on more than one occasion.  In my formative years (again), tequila caused my pillow to become glued to the side of my head.  Somehow.

I am thinking we should have required PS to prepare a YouTube of his experience before imparting all of this collective wisdom.

[Kriegsspiel]

Another tequila pro-tip: replace the salt and lime with cinnamon and an orange.

[Bean]

Go back to college, join a frat, enjoy the greatest drinking experience of modern times.

Just thinking about college makes me laugh and wonder how I survived.

To the OP: Honey mead, home brew...it is AMAZING.

[Ad Orientem]

If you're looking to take on some ballast without ending up three sheets to the wind, I suggest the proverbial "gentleman's brace of bottles." Port is a personal favorite. It's a bit old fashioned but it has a number of advantages. First, it's a fortified wine and thus a tad stronger than your vin ordinaire. And secondly it's extremely sweet, and thus tends to appeal to people who might not ordinarily like wine. Port and cigars, the perfect topper for a supper after the ladies have withdrawn and it's just us guys. (Always passed to the left thank you very much.)

[dragoncar]

Contrary to what all those bogleheads say, you CAN drink gold.

Goldschlager. Boom.

Wow, I have to agree that this is the most Permanent of liquor Portfolios.

Before dismissing tequila entirely

I have dismissed tequila, entirely, on more than one occasion.  In my formative years (again), tequila caused my pillow to become glued to the side of my head.  Somehow.

I am thinking we should have required PS to prepare a YouTube of his experience before imparting all of this collective wisdom.

I now hate, and have always hated, tequila.

OP, give us an update!

[RuralEngineer]

Your needs are unusual PS, but the solution is simple as long as you're willing to free your mind and don't mind a little bit of danger.

I know you're not adverse to a little bit of research, so first you'd need to figure out exactly how much alcohol someone your size could tolerate.  I suggest starting on the low side and working your way up.

Second you need to grab an enema bag.  I'll let you figure the rest out yourself.





NOTE:  I'm NOT actually suggesting you do this....even though it does technically solve your issue by providing a way to get drunk without tasting anything and bypasses the stomach completely.  Stupid people who didn't understand that alcohol absorbed through the lower intestine bypasses the liver (until too late) have died doing this.  This is a joke.  No, I've never actually tried this.  Not even during my college years.  I for one love beer and was only too willing to worship at the altars of Barley, Yeast, and Hops.

[moda0306]

Your needs are unusual PS, but the solution is simple as long as you're willing to free your mind and don't mind a little bit of danger.

I know you're not adverse to a little bit of research, so first you'd need to figure out exactly how much alcohol someone your size could tolerate.  I suggest starting on the low side and working your way up.

Second you need to grab an enema bag.  I'll let you figure the rest out yourself.





NOTE:  I'm NOT actually suggesting you do this....even though it does technically solve your issue by providing a way to get drunk without tasting anything and bypasses the stomach completely.  Stupid people who didn't understand that alcohol absorbed through the lower intestine bypasses the liver (until too late) have died doing this.  This is a joke.  No, I've never actually tried this.  Not even during my college years.  I for one love beer and was only too willing to worship at the altars of Barley, Yeast, and Hops.

RE,

If you have Netflix, check out "How Beer Saved the World."  Really cool and short documentary. 

[dualstow]

I'm sorry that I've been too busy to visit this forum more than a few times in the past 30 days.
Also, when I read this thread title, I had no idea it was literal! I thought it was going to be like, "Help me drink the Kool-Aid", i.e. convert me over to such and such point of view.

Four pages and no mention of Sambuca?!
Either the regular or the black, Mr Stick, and soon you'll be saying,

"I've never had a drink in my life before today, but when I did, I had Sambuca. Stay tipsy, my friends."
Sambuca is very sweet, so you might want to cut it with water. Also, on the off chance that you have a moustache, please resist the urge to light it on fire before you drink it.

----
It's too bad carbonation is out or I'd recommend hard pear cider.

Finally, I think it's cool that you never drink. Try not to make a habit of it.

[RuralEngineer]

RE,

If you have Netflix, check out "How Beer Saved the World."  Really cool and short documentary.

I let my account drop a while back in favor of Amazon Prime, which seemed a better overall value.  If I get a chance though, I'll check it out.  Sounds interesting.  Brewing has always fascinated me.  I actually know several guys at work that home brew regularly.

[Pointedstick]

I figured you guys would want an update on this. I managed to get a pretty good buzz on last night by drinking three screwdrivers. I didn't actually enjoy them, but they were drinkable. I wasn't feeling anything after the first two, but the third did the trick.

The experience wasn't all that likable, to be honest. The first things I felt were the physical symptoms, and I really did not enjoy the minor disorientation and feeling of being slightly stupid. Only later on did anything feel different emotionally, but it actually wasn't a big change. I was a little bit chattier, and a little bit more free with my choice of words, but all in all there wasn't a huge difference.

I'm glad I did it, but between the fact that alcohol still tastes nasty, I don't like feeling disoriented and stupid, and the "social lubricant" effects were muted at best, I don't feel the need to do it again.

[dualstow]

Good for you, regarding that last line.
I would have recommended only two drinks for a teetotaler and I did choose sweet sambuca, but maybe it's better this way. That is, an unpleasant- or less than fantastic -- experience to keep you from becoming too interested. Your future liver thanks you. ;-)