Hey Folks,
I have to admit, I can't say I have a lot of people in my life that I feel comfortable taking advice from. It's times like this I wish I had a Godfather or close mentor to bounce some ideas around. I do have a few close friends I admire who seem to contemplate many issues thoroughly and from many angles. I'll be asking for their advice. Along the same lines, even though I haven't met any of you in person, I can tell this forum is filled with incredibly intelligent people and abundant wisdom.
So I submit that I will be a bumbling newb when facing the next chapter in my life: becoming a dad. Mrs. Wonk just moved into the second trimester, and I guess this is all becoming real.
I'd like to humbly ask you, my esteemed PP advocates, gifted polymaths and overall philosophers of life and humanity, to share a bit of your sage advice on parenthood with me. Feel free to dispense knowledge in any form: from practical stuff like making sure I set up a 529 to more generalized tips on behavior and style. Any and all tips and nuggets of wisdom will be appreciated.
Bun in the oven!
Moderator: Global Moderator
Re: Bun in the oven!
Congratulations, Wonk!
I'm sure you'll do fine.
- Adam
I'm sure you'll do fine.
- Adam
"Now remember, when things look bad and it looks like you're not gonna make it, then you gotta get mean. I mean plumb, mad-dog mean. 'Cause if you lose your head and you give up then you neither live nor win. That's just the way it is. "
Re: Bun in the oven!
Wonk,
Congratulations! That's great news.
I have three kids, ages 3-11, and I had two great parents. Here's what I have learned:
- Before the baby is born, go see all the movies you can. That freedom will end soon.
- Once the baby arrives, touch it and talk to it a lot (I say "it" because you didn't mention the sex).
- Take a look at your life insurance situation, and consider getting a 20 or 30 year term policy. This will provide Mrs. Wonk with a little extra security in light of the increased financial needs while the child is a child. I bought a 30 year term policy before we had our first, and it has been a decision I have not regretted.
- Set up a Coverdell account for the child as soon as it's born (if you are eligible). It's easy to put this off, so go ahead and do it right out of the gate. It's a small seed, but it's a solid part of an education funding plan.
- Buy soft baby wipes. Some are softer than others. Store brand is normally as good or better than brand names.
- With diapers, you get what you pay for. It's good to use a multi-brand strategy--cheap ones for when they are going through many in a short period, and the top shelf stuff for sleeping.
- Breast milk is hard to beat. Michael Jordan nursed until he was 6. Supplementing with formula, however, is something we did and worked well (as a nutrition enthusiast I'm sure you have an opinion on this matter).
- When the baby first comes home, consider a bedside sleeper. It's like a Pack-n-Play size bed that attaches to the side of your bed. These are great.
- If you have a dog or a cat, think through any risk that these may pose to the baby.
- Get a good air machine. I have two Austin Air machines in my house and I love them (filters last 3-5 years!). The important thing about this type of machine for the baby is that it both provides cleaner air AND the perfect level of white noise to help it sleep better. Austin Air makes machines in pink and blue, which may appeal to Mrs. Wonk. As I recall, you are building a new house, which means there are any number of items in the house that will be "out-gassing" for a while. The carbon in the Austin Air filters will help soak up this indoor air pollution.
- When the child turns 2 it may start acting very aggressively, and I understand this behavior can continue up to and beyond age 18. I would avoid battles, but create an atmosphere of structure and security as much as you can. Many things that you tell it will appear to make no impression, but 20-30 years later it may find itself implementing the advice almost unconsciously.
- When the child becomes conscious of the ability to make decisions and the limitations of the world, as much as possible give it choices and let it decide how to handle a given situation. Even if the choices are not meaningful (e.g., "you can get in your carseat now or in five minutes, which would you prefer?"), I believe that forcing a child to make choices and giving it a feeling of control over some small part of its life is empowering.
- More than in most areas of life, I do not believe perfection should be the standard in parenting. A better approach is to do your best to help this small person develop his or her own identity and ability to move through life on its own and in a meaningful way. Whether the child goes on to great things or small things (as viewed by others), when looking back on its own life the child will likely only be aware of how various experiences felt to them, no matter how they were perceived by others. In zen-master speak, it's something along the lines of: "better to sweep floor with proper mindset than lead great armies with confusion."
Congratulations! That's great news.
I have three kids, ages 3-11, and I had two great parents. Here's what I have learned:
- Before the baby is born, go see all the movies you can. That freedom will end soon.
- Once the baby arrives, touch it and talk to it a lot (I say "it" because you didn't mention the sex).
- Take a look at your life insurance situation, and consider getting a 20 or 30 year term policy. This will provide Mrs. Wonk with a little extra security in light of the increased financial needs while the child is a child. I bought a 30 year term policy before we had our first, and it has been a decision I have not regretted.
- Set up a Coverdell account for the child as soon as it's born (if you are eligible). It's easy to put this off, so go ahead and do it right out of the gate. It's a small seed, but it's a solid part of an education funding plan.
- Buy soft baby wipes. Some are softer than others. Store brand is normally as good or better than brand names.
- With diapers, you get what you pay for. It's good to use a multi-brand strategy--cheap ones for when they are going through many in a short period, and the top shelf stuff for sleeping.
- Breast milk is hard to beat. Michael Jordan nursed until he was 6. Supplementing with formula, however, is something we did and worked well (as a nutrition enthusiast I'm sure you have an opinion on this matter).
- When the baby first comes home, consider a bedside sleeper. It's like a Pack-n-Play size bed that attaches to the side of your bed. These are great.
- If you have a dog or a cat, think through any risk that these may pose to the baby.
- Get a good air machine. I have two Austin Air machines in my house and I love them (filters last 3-5 years!). The important thing about this type of machine for the baby is that it both provides cleaner air AND the perfect level of white noise to help it sleep better. Austin Air makes machines in pink and blue, which may appeal to Mrs. Wonk. As I recall, you are building a new house, which means there are any number of items in the house that will be "out-gassing" for a while. The carbon in the Austin Air filters will help soak up this indoor air pollution.
- When the child turns 2 it may start acting very aggressively, and I understand this behavior can continue up to and beyond age 18. I would avoid battles, but create an atmosphere of structure and security as much as you can. Many things that you tell it will appear to make no impression, but 20-30 years later it may find itself implementing the advice almost unconsciously.
- When the child becomes conscious of the ability to make decisions and the limitations of the world, as much as possible give it choices and let it decide how to handle a given situation. Even if the choices are not meaningful (e.g., "you can get in your carseat now or in five minutes, which would you prefer?"), I believe that forcing a child to make choices and giving it a feeling of control over some small part of its life is empowering.
- More than in most areas of life, I do not believe perfection should be the standard in parenting. A better approach is to do your best to help this small person develop his or her own identity and ability to move through life on its own and in a meaningful way. Whether the child goes on to great things or small things (as viewed by others), when looking back on its own life the child will likely only be aware of how various experiences felt to them, no matter how they were perceived by others. In zen-master speak, it's something along the lines of: "better to sweep floor with proper mindset than lead great armies with confusion."
Q: “Do you have funny shaped balloons?”
A: “Not unless round is funny.”
A: “Not unless round is funny.”
Re: Bun in the oven!
Wonk, that is wonderful news! Congratulations!
You are a very sharp guy, a reader, and a learner. You're going to get this parenting thing down cold. That kid is lucky.
Above all else, be present and don't let one moment pass you by. You'll fall in love with that little baby... and before you know it, that little baby will be a toddler. And then a grade schooler. Hold them while you can because one day, frankly, they'll be too damn big (and much too cool) for you to lug em around.
You'll love what they become even while you also miss the smaller versions of themselves that they were. I think that duality never quite goes away.
Take obscene amounts of digital pictures and video. Back all of this up -- they are soon to become your most prized possessions. If there's one possession I'd be devastated to lose forever, this is it. Look into Carbonite or Mozy or something like that for inexpensive peace of mind.
It's only a single data point, but I'll say unambiguously that fatherhood has so far been the most wonderful experience of my life. I'm very happy for you.
You are a very sharp guy, a reader, and a learner. You're going to get this parenting thing down cold. That kid is lucky.
Above all else, be present and don't let one moment pass you by. You'll fall in love with that little baby... and before you know it, that little baby will be a toddler. And then a grade schooler. Hold them while you can because one day, frankly, they'll be too damn big (and much too cool) for you to lug em around.
You'll love what they become even while you also miss the smaller versions of themselves that they were. I think that duality never quite goes away.Take obscene amounts of digital pictures and video. Back all of this up -- they are soon to become your most prized possessions. If there's one possession I'd be devastated to lose forever, this is it. Look into Carbonite or Mozy or something like that for inexpensive peace of mind.
It's only a single data point, but I'll say unambiguously that fatherhood has so far been the most wonderful experience of my life. I'm very happy for you.
Re: Bun in the oven!
Congratulations, Wonk. I have a couple of wonderful, but shockingly different teens. File this under things I wish I had done. As above, you will cherish the pics, but I read about a father that every year would ask his kids questions and record their answers:
What is your favorite thing to do?
What do you want to be when you grow up?
What in your life would you change?
Best friend? Favorite movie? Etc
Make some questions that are important to you, and ask them every year on their birthday. I do not have enough video with voice clips of them, and I would love to have them and be able to listen to their answers and their sweet little voices--I would also love to go back and do it all over again, and if I figure out how, I will let you know.
What is your favorite thing to do?
What do you want to be when you grow up?
What in your life would you change?
Best friend? Favorite movie? Etc
Make some questions that are important to you, and ask them every year on their birthday. I do not have enough video with voice clips of them, and I would love to have them and be able to listen to their answers and their sweet little voices--I would also love to go back and do it all over again, and if I figure out how, I will let you know.
Re: Bun in the oven!
I will refrain from offering any advice as I haven't been there myself, but I do want to offer my congratulations.
"Machines are gonna fail...and the system's gonna fail"
Re: Bun in the oven!
What a great idea. Thank you for sharing this. I'm going to start that this year.6 Iron wrote: As above, you will cherish the pics, but I read about a father that every year would ask his kids questions and record their answers:
Re: Bun in the oven!
Thanks to everyone for all of the well wishes and tips/pointers! I'll make some notes and revisit them from time to time. Does anyone have any recommendations for good books/resources for further reading? I'm fascinated by behavioral psychology regarding how people respond to positive/negative outcomes and the use of perceived/implied incentives when making decisions. Maybe there are parenting books that address this type of thing?
I'd also like to focus on developing problem solving skills over simple rote learning. Any advice from the seasoned veterans?
Thanks again!
I'd also like to focus on developing problem solving skills over simple rote learning. Any advice from the seasoned veterans?
Thanks again!
Re: Bun in the oven!
Wonk,
My favorite parenting book is "Parenting with love and logic". It emphasizes the importance of having children learn to make the decisions that they are capable of making, and accepting the responsibilities for those decisions.
http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Love-Lo ... 904&sr=1-1
My favorite parenting book is "Parenting with love and logic". It emphasizes the importance of having children learn to make the decisions that they are capable of making, and accepting the responsibilities for those decisions.
http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Love-Lo ... 904&sr=1-1
Re: Bun in the oven!
congratulations on your new baby,
i don't have kids myself so i have held back from posting in this thread and giving advice, but since 6 iron brought it up, i have seen the love and logic videos and if i was going to recommend something, that would be my recommendation as well..
best of luck to you..
i don't have kids myself so i have held back from posting in this thread and giving advice, but since 6 iron brought it up, i have seen the love and logic videos and if i was going to recommend something, that would be my recommendation as well..
best of luck to you..
-Government 2020+ - a BANANA REPUBLIC - if you can keep it
-Belief is the death of intelligence. As soon as one believes a doctrine of any sort, or assumes certitude, one stops thinking about that aspect of existence
-Belief is the death of intelligence. As soon as one believes a doctrine of any sort, or assumes certitude, one stops thinking about that aspect of existence
Re: Bun in the oven!
Congratulations.
I'm a little wary of parenting books as some of them can make you feel a little inadequate and anxious.
Having children is a wonderful life changing event, but there are (thankfully short) periods when it's as much as you can do to put one foot in front of the other.
All you have to do is be patient and do what's right for about 25 years... simple
Don't worry, it'll be fine.
I'm a little wary of parenting books as some of them can make you feel a little inadequate and anxious.
Having children is a wonderful life changing event, but there are (thankfully short) periods when it's as much as you can do to put one foot in front of the other.
All you have to do is be patient and do what's right for about 25 years... simple
Don't worry, it'll be fine.
Re: Bun in the oven!
In terms of "super practical" books, the one that we kept coming back to the most was "Baby 411". This one's concise, funny, and well-organized and was the book I always went to when my wife asked, "See what the books say about..."
I liked this book for days where you find yourself saying, "Now that's a surprising poop color. I wonder what it means."
I liked this book for days where you find yourself saying, "Now that's a surprising poop color. I wonder what it means."
Re: Bun in the oven!
As a father of teens, I thought this was hilarious.
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/7053 ... .html?pg=1
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/7053 ... .html?pg=1