Desert wrote: ↑Fri Nov 12, 2021 1:39 pm
Mr. Smith, thanks for sharing. We haven't interacted a lot, and I don't have any magic solutions. But one thing that has always helped me is getting outside mid-day, regardless of weather, and getting some sun (or even cloudy natural light). Walking at a normal pace outdoors can work wonders in my life.
Another thing to consider is seeking out some volunteer work, helping folks who are economically downtrodden. I've done some financial counseling with such groups, and it's both incredibly frustrating and rewarding at the same time. This kind of work can really help calibrate one's thoughts and feelings. With the Holiday season approaching, there may be opportunities to do some simple things like serving meals at a shelter, delivering clothes, or something like that.
The world needs thoughtful people like you.
It's funny how you mentioned helping others with volunteer work. I don't have any formal volunteer stuff booked into my schedule, but I was looking to volunteer with the local crisis line. It's a resource I've used MANY times over the past 2 months, and frankly it has saved my life on a few occasions. Also, I've found myself giving change and buying food for random homeless people I pass by on the street now. I'm NOT saying i'm some sort of saint just cause I did a few things for randoms, but I definitely feel like my suffering has given me more empathy for the suffering of others...
I've also decided what I want to do with my life. I'd like to re-enter finance but now as part of the financial planning field. I want to help steward people's wealth through the vicissitudes of life and to lead them to a safe comfortable future of financial freedom. Financial destitution is not joke. It causes divorce, depression, suicide etc. Those topics now hit close to home.
And, of course, thank you so much for the compliments...
WiseOne wrote: ↑Fri Nov 12, 2021 6:27 pm
Jeez, I had the same reaction as MangoMan. This is not a safe situation that Smith is describing.
Smith, your highest priority should be to get into regular counseling, 2-3x/week at least. If Canada is anything like the US, and I suspect it is, counseling is on a cash basis and that can be difficult. A good alternative is pastoral counseling through your church. Please do wander in and ask about this. Just tell them you need help, and is there a counseling service they can point you to. If you're in school (I forget if this was the case or not), the institution may also provide counseling services.
And, if you are feeling unsafe or considering hurting yourself, call someone right away. Someone tangible, I mean, who cares about you e.g. your parents. Or your GP, or anyone else you might want to talk to.
If this was all triggered by the abusive relationship, then it will pass eventually. Hang in there! It sounds like you've already figured out a few things that can help you through difficult moments, and that's good.
And, can you post every day to let us know how you're doing??
Saying a prayer for you. -- WiseOne.
I have a counselling/therapy session in about an hour actually! Right now I'm sitting in a diner trying to enjoy normal life again until it starts. I do indeed pay out of pocket, but I also take part in publicly funded therapy that isn't quite as good (but that I'm still grateful for).
I do feel unsafe sometimes still, but I am stronger than I was a month ago. It doesn't really hurt any less. I really think I'm just coping better.
I'm happy to post regularly to show I'm still here. Thank you for your empathy and your caring.
Thank you for the amazing responses, guys. I do feel cared about and loved. It's strange how I feel more connected to a bunch of strangers on an investing forum than I do with many of my actual in-person friends. Bizarre how that works.
I've been researching a lot on so-called post-traumatic growth. It is one of the things keeping me going: this idea that trauma can catalyze true improvements in quality of life and one's overall life results.
In psychology, Posttraumatic growth (PTG) is a concept describing positive psychological change experienced as a result of struggling with highly challenging, highly stressful life circumstances.[1] These circumstances represent significant challenges to the adaptive resources of the individual, and pose significant challenges to the individual's way of understanding the world and their place in it.[1] Posttraumatic growth involves "life-changing" psychological shifts in thinking and relating to the world and the self, that contribute to a personal process of change, that is deeply meaningful.[1]
You sound as totally fucked up as I was at your age.
Today I'm 72 and life is great. I did just return from a trip to Maui where me and my Filipino wife of 15 years got in a big fight because I got drunk drinking Blue Moon on the porch of our AirBnb and crying at the beautiful sunset just before we were supposed to go go dinner. We are stilling working through it though and I think it's going to work out fine.
My best friend blew his brains out in his parents home on Christmas Eve. He had a nervous breakdown during Air Force boot camp. I consider him a casualty of the war in Vietnam even though he never went there as I did. I was a pall bearer at his funeral. I do not recommend that course of action to anyone. It causes a lot of pain to those you leave behind.
dualstow wrote: ↑Fri Nov 12, 2021 1:27 pm
… the wait for group therapy, or indeed any therapy, is long in Canada..
My therapy has finally started! Thank goodness. I've also been prescribed a medication called Abilify.
i can’t tell you how happy i am to hear that it’s starting!
pp4me wrote: ↑Tue Nov 16, 2021 3:20 pm
…
Today I'm 72 and life is great. I did just return from a trip to Maui where me and my Filipino wife of 15 years got in a big fight because I got drunk drinking Blue Moon on the porch of our AirBnb and crying at the beautiful sunset just before we were supposed to go go dinner. We are stilling working through it though and I think it's going to work out fine.
If I had a nickel i-bond for every time I got sucked into a fight over nothing.
Monstres and tokeninges gert he be-kend, / And wondirs in the air send.
I saw someone on the news last night, don't remember where, but they said that 1 in 4 college students had contemplated suicide during the month of June.
They attributed it to COVID but I don't know how true that is.
pp4me wrote: ↑Thu Nov 18, 2021 1:22 pm
I saw someone on the news last night, don't remember where, but they said that 1 in 4 college students had contemplated suicide during the month of June.
They attributed it to COVID but I don't know how true that is.
Anyway, Smith1776, you are apparently not alone.
Zdogg had a video recently on anxiety... Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E79oB-4ZCfw
Where the guest pointed out that EVERYBODY has some kind of suicidal thought from time to time and that's perfectly normal. She says it's a problem if it gets to the point where there's a specific plan and intent.
So a survey asking "have you contemplated suicide this month" might not say much. Maybe you could compare that survey with itself at different times and track a general trend.
pp4me wrote: ↑Thu Nov 18, 2021 1:22 pm
I saw someone on the news last night, don't remember where, but they said that 1 in 4 college students had contemplated suicide during the month of June.
They attributed it to COVID but I don't know how true that is.
Anyway, Smith1776, you are apparently not alone.
Definitely not. This is going to sound morbid, but even today (when i'm out of immediate danger), the idea of suicide is... comforting. It's this idea that I have trump card, a way out so to speak, if things get really bad again. Just having it in the proverbial back pocket is a point of comfort.
Sometimes I still wish that attempted cyanide purchase of the dark web went through.
pp4me wrote: ↑Thu Nov 18, 2021 1:22 pm
I saw someone on the news last night, don't remember where, but they said that 1 in 4 college students had contemplated suicide during the month of June.
They attributed it to COVID but I don't know how true that is.
Anyway, Smith1776, you are apparently not alone.
Zdogg had a video recently on anxiety... Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E79oB-4ZCfw
Where the guest pointed out that EVERYBODY has some kind of suicidal thought from time to time and that's perfectly normal. She says it's a problem if it gets to the point where there's a specific plan and intent.
So a survey asking "have you contemplated suicide this month" might not say much. Maybe you could compare that survey with itself at different times and track a general trend.
True true. The medical professionals that were helping me all basically said the same thing. The point of delineation is when there's as specific plan and methodology put in place.
pp4me wrote: ↑Thu Nov 18, 2021 1:22 pm
I saw someone on the news last night, don't remember where, but they said that 1 in 4 college students had contemplated suicide during the month of June.
They attributed it to COVID but I don't know how true that is.
Anyway, Smith1776, you are apparently not alone.
Definitely not. This is going to sound morbid, but even today (when i'm out of immediate danger), the idea of suicide is... comforting. It's this idea that I have trump card, a way out so to speak, if things get really bad again. Just having it in the proverbial back pocket is a point of comfort.
…
I remember having that feeling some twenty years ago. The idea that I would never have to worry about anything else again. Glad I never played that card -really glad - though I do remember the feeling.
Monstres and tokeninges gert he be-kend, / And wondirs in the air send.
pp4me wrote: ↑Thu Nov 18, 2021 1:22 pm
I saw someone on the news last night, don't remember where, but they said that 1 in 4 college students had contemplated suicide during the month of June.
They attributed it to COVID but I don't know how true that is.
Anyway, Smith1776, you are apparently not alone.
Definitely not. This is going to sound morbid, but even today (when i'm out of immediate danger), the idea of suicide is... comforting. It's this idea that I have trump card, a way out so to speak, if things get really bad again. Just having it in the proverbial back pocket is a point of comfort.
…
I remember having that feeling some twenty years ago. The idea that I would never have to worry about anything else again. Glad I never played that card -really glad - though I do remember the feeling.
It's awful that it's STILL the most comforting thought I have right now... but it is what it is.
You guys and this community are of tremendous value and help.
Smith1776 wrote: ↑Fri Nov 19, 2021 1:34 am
Sat at a Wings diner for most of the night by myself…
It was here I basically decided I’m going to pull a Vinny and give up on relationships. I think in the long run I will be happier this way.
You have to be right with yourself before you can find someone that’s right for you. So perhaps it could be more of a strategic retreat that doesn’t completely rule out the possibility of something in the future. But for now, relationships are probably not the right place to focus. Good luck.
Smith1776 wrote: ↑Fri Nov 19, 2021 1:34 am
Sat at a Wings diner for most of the night by myself…
It was here I basically decided I’m going to pull a Vinny and give up on relationships. I think in the long run I will be happier this way.
You have to be right with yourself before you can find someone that’s right for you. So perhaps it could be more of a strategic retreat that doesn’t completely rule out the possibility of something in the future. But for now, relationships are probably not the right place to focus. Good luck.
Thank you. You’re right. It’s just bloody painful in the meantime hahaha.
