Ladies and gentleman, my opponents say I'm out of touch
Ted Cruz stands on the floor of the Senate and blasts me
Well, I've got a message for Senator Cruz and his Tea Party cabal:
The only people who we ought to be blasting are the terrorists
And you know what, I've done that
I've blasted them
I've heard the terrorists have an expression they use to describe drone strikes
They call them "Obama Caps"
That's right ladies and gentlemen
America's enemies have come to fear the sound far up in the sky
Death from above
Or, more colloquially, "Putting an Obama Cap in Their Asses"
Some of my basketball buddies like to call them "fly bys"
I just call it "Tea Party Kryptonite" [laughter in the crowd; Obama smiles]
But seriously folks, we've got an anemic economy on our hands
It's skinny, like me [catcalls from the crowd]
It's lean ["You go Barry!!!" is heard from the crowd]
It's like skim milk
It won't give you heart disease and it won't make you fat
But it will keep you alive
So my fellow Americans
Today I offer you a new vision of America
A vision of a surveillance state where no one in the world can escape our monitoring and tracking
A vision of a state that arbitrarily assassinates foreign national on foreign soil
A vision of a state with a sick but functioning economy
A vision of a society in which a young person can go to college, accumulate enormous student loan debt, and then move back in with his parents and be entitled to health coverage from his parent's employer until age 26
Another great American from Texas preceded me in this office [boos from the crowd]
No, I'm not talking about that Texan
I'm talking about Lyndon Baines Johnson
Lyndon Johnson told America it could have Guns and Butter
A healthy economy in the midst of a gratuitous foreign war
Well, folks, our defense contractors have come a long way since then
And we can now deliver death to our enemies far more efficiently
We no longer need to throw our young men and women in uniform into foreign meat grinders...not much anyway [Obama flashes a sly grin]
We do most of that by remote control now
And, similarly, we have given those fat expanding economies of yesteryear a new twist
We do more with less today
Our economy is weak, but in the words of the great George Orwell, sometimes weakness can be strength
So, today, I offer you a new vision of America
A vision of a society where we all acknowledge that none of us built that
Where words like "hope" and "change" are just empty slogans
Ladies and gentlemen
When I look at America
I recognize that we can't have it all
But we can damn sure have the best military technology built right here in the U.S. of A. in the districts of the most powerful members of Congress
And our economy may be skinny, but I like skinny
Skinny is a sign of health
I've always been skinny, and look at all I have been able to do [cheers from the crowd]
You see, my friends, even though we can't have it all
We can have the most powerful military
While just getting by economically
We can have what I call a
"Drones and Skim Milk" society [crowd applauds loudly]
Yes we can!
And isn't that the kind of world we all want to live in?
Isn't that the kind of place we would all be proud to call home?
Isn't that what our Founding Fathers dreamed about? [more applause]
Drones and Skim Milk!
Thank you
Thank you
Drones and Skim Milk!
Thank you
God bless you all
And may God continue to bless the United States of America
[Crowd goes wild]
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