My money owns me

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I Shrugged
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My money owns me

Post by I Shrugged » Sun Jan 08, 2017 9:52 am

We early retired in our 40s. I sold my business. We had critical mass and then some. That was several years ago.

My business had owned me. That's probably understandable. I succeeded because of my intense focus on the business. But a residue of that is that now my money owns me. Even though we have 100X annual spending, I can't stop trying to save money on things regardless of benefit or aggravation, make an extra fraction of a percent on investments, and all that. The biggest monkey on my back is that when it comes time to sell something, I have to optimize the value of it. So instead of taking the simple no-stress path to selling it, I invest time, hassle, and stress trying to make the thing get top dollar. When in reality, if we didn't get a dime for said thing or property, or we got a million bucks, our life would not change at all. I just seem to have this need to win at the money game. The other day I read an article about Mr. Money Mustache. His wife described him as "intense" about money, even though his blog earns them $400K per year. I can identify.

Lately I've had some down time. I read a book on enjoying retirement, and did some of the thought exercises in the book. It made me see all of this. I always knew it was there, but I didn't realize how much it was holding me back. I have a lot of crap to sell this spring. Equipment, property, excess personal and inherited household stuff, you name it. Normally, this would drag on for 2 or 3 years. In fact, it already has. I am resolving to just let go. Auction it all, don't optimize it. Don't begrudge the auctioneer his fees, don't try to get top dollar doing it myself, etc.

Based on my lifetime observations of retirees, anyone who did a decent job of saving ended up just fine. Does your money own you? Is it holding you back?
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Re: My money owns me

Post by Pointedstick » Sun Jan 08, 2017 10:20 am

Realize that you've already won at the money game. Channel your desires to compete and optimize into another game. Perhaps even one that you believe benefits humanity itself but is being under-served in some way. Visualize how much happier you would be if you sunk fully half of your liquid net worth (bringing you down to only 50x yearly spending) into a pursuit you felt deeply that humanity needed.
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Re: My money owns me

Post by Tyler » Sun Jan 08, 2017 11:53 am

I get it. You were successful for a reason, and it's hard to turn that off.

I agree that finding a new challenge to channel your optimization energy is a good idea. Think of yourself as a subject matter expert, and find a way to share that expertise with others not so blessed.

I've also found that a good mental trick is to stop thinking about maximizing money and focus instead on maximizing efficiency. So when selling your stuff, what's the most efficient balance of return for the effort? With the right mindset, you can actually use your optimization skills to dial back all of the time you waste on squeezing money out of unimportant things.
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Re: My money owns me

Post by I Shrugged » Sun Jan 08, 2017 8:57 pm

Well, I optimize my hobbies, and my charitable giving too. It's truly a curse.
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Re: My money owns me

Post by thisisallen » Mon Jan 09, 2017 4:05 am

What is missing here? You are a successful business person who has a practical and valuable skill/talent. It is a gift. Lots and lots of people would love to have that ability. Yet you feel it is a curse.
Could it be that you are experiencing a lack of fulfillment?
There are techniques that can increase one's overall satisfaction in life.
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Re: My money owns me

Post by curlew » Tue Jan 10, 2017 10:35 am

You might try smoking some pot. It can help you to go placidly amid the noise and the haste.
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Re: My money owns me

Post by Xan » Tue Jan 10, 2017 10:43 am

I Shrugged wrote:Well, I optimize my hobbies, and my charitable giving too. It's truly a curse.
I think Desert is on the right track. You're an optimizer, so keep right on optimizing. You just need to change the thing you're optimizing for. Instead of maximizing monetary returns at the cost of everything else, maximize what you actually want to achieve.

Something along the lines of Harry Browne's idea of spending money only when it a) makes you money or b) is something you truly enjoy. Except you've won the money game. Do this with your time.

Spend time on something if it a) achieves some goal that you actually want to achieve (helping others, supporting some cause, whatever) or b) is something you truly enjoy. Otherwise don't. Even if it costs you money.

Sounds like you're on the right track with the auction this spring.
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Re: My money owns me

Post by Mountaineer » Tue Jan 10, 2017 2:32 pm

Xan wrote:
I Shrugged wrote:Well, I optimize my hobbies, and my charitable giving too. It's truly a curse.
I think Desert is on the right track. You're an optimizer, so keep right on optimizing. You just need to change the thing you're optimizing for. Instead of maximizing monetary returns at the cost of everything else, maximize what you actually want to achieve.

Something along the lines of Harry Browne's idea of spending money only when it a) makes you money or b) is something you truly enjoy. Except you've won the money game. Do this with your time.

Spend time on something if it a) achieves some goal that you actually want to achieve (helping others, supporting some cause, whatever) or b) is something you truly enjoy. Otherwise don't. Even if it costs you money.

Sounds like you're on the right track with the auction this spring.
Good thoughts from Desert and Xan. I would offer for your consideration that if you are continuing to optimize for money when you have already achieved your monetary goals, you are actually now sub-optimizing and not truly optimizing. As they said, pick some overarching purpose for your next phase in life and optimize for that. Perhaps optimizing for money is not really optimizing at any phase in ones life, money is only a means to an end (e.g. a tool) for most people who are aimed at building something other than a tool with no purpose.
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Re: My money owns me

Post by curlew » Tue Jan 10, 2017 4:32 pm

When I first read your post it made me think of the TV show "Buried Alive". It's about hoarders who can't let go of any of their possessions until it gets so bad they live in unbelievable filth and squalor. It can be very hard to watch.

Maybe you have a similar psychological condition involving money. If so, I'd much rather have your problem than theirs.

The people in that show have to come to grips with why they have the compulsion before they can overcome it. Usually it involves some kind of traumatic loss, often a bereavement that they can't get past.

Disclaimer: I'm a retired computer programmer, not a psychologist.
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Re: My money owns me

Post by I Shrugged » Tue Jan 10, 2017 6:47 pm

I think Mr. Money Mustache is more that guy.

I don't think about money much, which I know seems implausible based on what I wrote earlier. It's more like trying to beat the system or win the game, I guess. So really, I'm playing the wrong game!
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Re: My money owns me

Post by curlew » Tue Jan 10, 2017 9:36 pm

I Shrugged wrote:I don't think about money much, which I know seems implausible based on what I wrote earlier. It's more like trying to beat the system or win the game, I guess.
So why do u think u do that?

(Same disclaimer as last post)
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Re: My money owns me

Post by I Shrugged » Wed Jan 11, 2017 9:41 am

My head hurts.
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Re: My money owns me

Post by Libertarian666 » Sun Jan 15, 2017 10:55 am

I Shrugged wrote:Well, I optimize my hobbies, and my charitable giving too. It's truly a curse.
Oh, I don't know. I enjoy optimizing. I even wrote a book about it! https://www.amazon.com/Optimizing-C-Ste ... 0139774300
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Re: My money owns me

Post by vnatale » Thu Nov 14, 2019 8:14 pm

I Shrugged wrote:
Sun Jan 08, 2017 9:52 am
We early retired in our 40s. I sold my business. We had critical mass and then some. That was several years ago.

My business had owned me. That's probably understandable. I succeeded because of my intense focus on the business. But a residue of that is that now my money owns me. Even though we have 100X annual spending, I can't stop trying to save money on things regardless of benefit or aggravation, make an extra fraction of a percent on investments, and all that. The biggest monkey on my back is that when it comes time to sell something, I have to optimize the value of it. So instead of taking the simple no-stress path to selling it, I invest time, hassle, and stress trying to make the thing get top dollar. When in reality, if we didn't get a dime for said thing or property, or we got a million bucks, our life would not change at all. I just seem to have this need to win at the money game. The other day I read an article about Mr. Money Mustache. His wife described him as "intense" about money, even though his blog earns them $400K per year. I can identify.

Lately I've had some down time. I read a book on enjoying retirement, and did some of the thought exercises in the book. It made me see all of this. I always knew it was there, but I didn't realize how much it was holding me back. I have a lot of crap to sell this spring. Equipment, property, excess personal and inherited household stuff, you name it. Normally, this would drag on for 2 or 3 years. In fact, it already has. I am resolving to just let go. Auction it all, don't optimize it. Don't begrudge the auctioneer his fees, don't try to get top dollar doing it myself, etc.

Based on my lifetime observations of retirees, anyone who did a decent job of saving ended up just fine. Does your money own you? Is it holding you back?
Another excellent one I just came across which provokes some responses from me...

1) I'm a hoarder. A buyer, not a seller. It reached critical mass when I bought a TV off Craigslist on April 30, 2009. That TV stayed in my car for a week because there was NO place to put in my house. Which is ridiculous given that it's only me in a house though small (900 square feet) has an equal size basement and a 500 square foot garage. 2,400 square feet should be plenty enough for someone? That made me snap in the other direction. For the next two years (mainly the summers) I invested days and days in getting things out of my house. And, since reclaiming my house was the main priority, I was not interested in getting money for anything I was getting out of my house and property. So, I had a "free sale". I live on a well traveled 40 mph street. I just put things on my front lawn for people to take. Also, gave away a motorcycle and a car in the process. I just was not interested in getting money for any of it nor investing any time in getting money for any of it. It was all so time consuming just go get it out of my house.

2) I believe I've "won the game" but I recognize it's in my DNA to want to get the best value for anything I buy and always try to first buy it used rather than new. I do all the same as you describe above - spending this extra time trying to save some money rather than taking the easier (but more costly) past. I just tell myself that being that way has been a major reason why I am in the excellent financial position I now am in.

3) That said, in the last year or two I have made a decision to try to draw some reasonable lines for how much time I will spend in trying to save a relatively small sum of money. Two instances come to mind. A few years ago I heard some live music and the guitar player was way too loud. I came home and vowed that I needed to buy ear plugs for any future times like that. I looked on Amazon and found out five different ones that seemed like they could be suitable. And, then I spent more time trying to decide which of the five to buy. I finally decided that I'm going to buy all five of them for a total of $70! It was worth spending that amount of money to finally stop researching! I tried the cheapest ones and those are the only ones I've used so far. Same thing happened earlier this year when my camera strap I'd bought in 1981 broke. I went to Amazon. Found five different types. Could not decide again. So bought five different ones, again for a total of about $70. And, ended it! No more time spent researching without any basis to decide which one to buy. In this case, I have used one of them a ton and the other when I forget to bring the first one.

4) I did not consider the above as wasting money. But I'm still not going to "waste" money even though it would never affect my lifestyle for the rest of my life. I'm thinking that that money saved can be put to someone else's benefit in the future. I don't feel deprived. If I want it I buy it.

Vinny
Above provided by: Vinny, who always says: "I only regret that I have but one lap to give to my cats." AND "I'm a more-is-more person."
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Re: My money owns me

Post by I Shrugged » Fri Nov 15, 2019 8:08 pm

I'm finally coming around to the realization that we can spend money without concern. Spending still rankles me sometimes. But mostly in terms of adding "stuff" into our life. We still try to avoid that.
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Re: My money owns me

Post by Libertarian666 » Sat Nov 16, 2019 2:27 pm

I Shrugged wrote:
Fri Nov 15, 2019 8:08 pm
I'm finally coming around to the realization that we can spend money without concern. Spending still rankles me sometimes. But mostly in terms of adding "stuff" into our life. We still try to avoid that.
Ok, then I have a solution.
Buy me a netjets pass. You won't have any extra stuff in your life other than a grateful email from me!
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Re: My money owns me

Post by drumminj » Sat Nov 16, 2019 4:20 pm

Libertarian666 wrote:
Sat Nov 16, 2019 2:27 pm
Buy me a netjets pass.
This type of thing is a luxury I'd be able to afford. I loathe commercial air travel, but the step up to any kind of private solution is an order of magnitude more expensive.
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Re: My money owns me

Post by Libertarian666 » Sat Nov 16, 2019 5:01 pm

drumminj wrote:
Sat Nov 16, 2019 4:20 pm
Libertarian666 wrote:
Sat Nov 16, 2019 2:27 pm
Buy me a netjets pass.
This type of thing is a luxury I'd be able to afford. I loathe commercial air travel, but the step up to any kind of private solution is an order of magnitude more expensive.
Maybe a binary order of magnitude but not a decimal one.
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Re: My money owns me

Post by drumminj » Sat Nov 16, 2019 7:54 pm

Libertarian666 wrote:
Sat Nov 16, 2019 5:01 pm
drumminj wrote:
Sat Nov 16, 2019 4:20 pm
This type of thing is a luxury I'd be able to afford. I loathe commercial air travel, but the step up to any kind of private solution is an order of magnitude more expensive.
Maybe a binary order of magnitude but not a decimal one.
Perhaps things have changed since I looked, or I was looking at the wrong options, but I'll gladly bump from coach to first class ticket if it's 2x the price (vs hoping to get upgraded based on status), and I'd likely be willing to go willing if it was only 2x that price for private (of course that's easy to say vs shell out the dollars when it comes down to how to we spend our 'luxury' budget). There's only two of us though, which may change the equation.

Netjets doesn't have pricing info online. Any numbers you can throw out there for them, or any other private jet clubs/sharing?
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Re: My money owns me

Post by vnatale » Sat Nov 16, 2019 8:16 pm

Libertarian666 wrote:
Sat Nov 16, 2019 2:27 pm
I Shrugged wrote:
Fri Nov 15, 2019 8:08 pm
I'm finally coming around to the realization that we can spend money without concern. Spending still rankles me sometimes. But mostly in terms of adding "stuff" into our life. We still try to avoid that.
Ok, then I have a solution.
Buy me a netjets pass. You won't have any extra stuff in your life other than a grateful email from me!
Another term I'd never seen before- netjets pass. And, being so sports oriented I thought you were asking for season's tickets to both Brooklyn Nets and New York Jets games. But from reading subsequent responses I see that was not the case.

Vinny
Above provided by: Vinny, who always says: "I only regret that I have but one lap to give to my cats." AND "I'm a more-is-more person."
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Re: My money owns me

Post by Libertarian666 » Sat Nov 16, 2019 8:37 pm

drumminj wrote:
Sat Nov 16, 2019 7:54 pm
Libertarian666 wrote:
Sat Nov 16, 2019 5:01 pm
drumminj wrote:
Sat Nov 16, 2019 4:20 pm
This type of thing is a luxury I'd be able to afford. I loathe commercial air travel, but the step up to any kind of private solution is an order of magnitude more expensive.
Maybe a binary order of magnitude but not a decimal one.
Perhaps things have changed since I looked, or I was looking at the wrong options, but I'll gladly bump from coach to first class ticket if it's 2x the price (vs hoping to get upgraded based on status), and I'd likely be willing to go willing if it was only 2x that price for private (of course that's easy to say vs shell out the dollars when it comes down to how to we spend our 'luxury' budget). There's only two of us though, which may change the equation.

Netjets doesn't have pricing info online. Any numbers you can throw out there for them, or any other private jet clubs/sharing?
Take a look at this: http://newflightcharters.com/private_je ... ricing.htm.
Note: I'm not in that league... yet.
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