The Permanent Mental Health Regime

[Smith1776]

Guys, what do you do to make sure you stay mentally and emotionally healthy?

As I've gotten a bit older, and a bit wiser, I've devised strategies to help keep my mind healthy. My teen years and early twenties were an absolute disaster in particular. It's better, but I still struggle sometimes.

Some things I do to keep things in good order in this area:

• 1. Regular exercise - mostly bodybuilding stuff; some swimming and martial arts cross training
  2. Adequate sleep - I don't skimp in this area; I try to get no less than 7 hours in an evening
  3. Good diet - Eating a high protein diet along with lots of veggies; some fruit and low carbs; occasional treats
  4. Trying to maintain active social connections
  5. Being engaged with goals and work that are intellectually stimulating - don't just work for the sake of working... or just for money!
  6. Semi-regular meditation and mindfulness exercises
  7. Minimizing contact with people who would influence my emotional health negatively

I've occasionally seen a therapist too... though I've found they've had limited effectiveness.

What are your guys thoughts on this incredibly important (but often ignored) facet of our lives?

EDIT: Will be adding to the list as people make suggestions. Thank you to dualstow, WiseOne, MangoMan, et. al. for contributions.

• 8. Walking in nature. Have to see a little green, water, and/or a nice sky.
  9. No sugary drinks or snacks. (Smith comment: I've heard clinical psychologists mention that this is HUGE when it comes to mental state)
  10. I go out with friends every week, minimum of two times.
  11. Trying to keep a good relationship with the Mrs. Rule #1, she’s always right. And when she just isn’t, the best I can do is keep my head down.
  12. Introduction to Zen Buddhism by DT Suzuki has helped for decades.
  13. Nature sounds on youtube.
  14. Try to do a good deed once in a while.
  15. Cat. (dog? )
  16. Avoid unnecessary exposure to situations and information (especially via internet) that has the effect of making us feel helpless in the face of a world spiraling out of control.
  17. There are also certain herbs that I've found particularly effective for stabilizing a hyperreactive nervous system, namely ashwaganda root (you won't notice a sedating effect, but it does appear to level things out over the long term; it is referred to as an "adaptogen," which I infer to mean that it has an effect on the physiological stress response) and kava root (works very quickly to settle things down).
  18. eliminate clutter.... knowing what you own, why you own it, and where you keep it, is a nice mental health booster.
  19. Take time off work, if you are working full time. Ignore the pressures to never take vacation time.
  20. Daily quality downtime in some form. Outside/nature is optimal (sort of meditative), actual meditation, cross stitching, reading all work too.

[dualstow]

I think I would do well to copy you.

1) Walking in nature. Have to see a little green, water, and/or a nice sky.
2) I briefly strived for 8 hours’ sleep. Even got the Harvard Health sleep book ages ago.
I was trying to limit caffeine to morning hours, or at least cut it off by 2pm. Even one glass of wine can ruin some people’s sleep (me), so I have been failing.
3) No sugary drinks or snacks.
4) I go out with friends every week, minimum of two times. This interferes with (2) but...you’re not going to find me at a pick-up soccer game. We meet for carbs, in both large disk form and pint form.
5) This isn’t low priority because it’s at number 5. I was merely pegging my items to yours so far. Trying to keep a good relationship with the Mrs. Rule #1, she’s always right. And when she just isn’t, the best I can do is keep my head down. Otherwise, (2) is obliterated.
6) Introduction to Zen Buddhism by DT Suzuki has helped for decades. I should revisit the book.
7) Nature sounds on youtube. I should get some noise canceling headphones as well.
8.) Try to do a good deed once in a while. At the very least, hold the door for people, don’t be a prick in the grocery store, etc. Be a gentleman even when in a bad mood (from lack of sleep, hah).

Your number 7 is a struggle for me. I dwell on bad experiences years later that other people get over after five minutes. A jerk in a movie theater, for example. I try to visualize that stranger and I bumping into each other again in the future, becoming friends, and laughing about that initial interaction. That did happen with a friend in junior high, so it’s easy to visualize. I don’t know if it’s helping.

[dualstow]

9) but this should be at the top of the list: cat.

[Maddy]

No. 7 could expanded to include unnecessary exposure to situations and information (especially via internet) that has the effect of making us feel helpless in the face of a world spiraling out of control.

But it's Dualstow's #8 that has helped me most: Doing a good deed for a stranger at least once a day has an amazing ability to pull me out of the worst funk. Oftentimes, it doesn't take much. Easily worth 10 hours of therapy, and free.

There are also certain herbs that I've found particularly effective for stabilizing a hyperreactive nervous system, namely ashwaganda root (you won't notice a sedating effect, but it does appear to level things out over the long term; it is referred to as an "adaptogen," which I infer to mean that it has an effect on the physiological stress response) and kava root (works very quickly to settle things down).

[Xan]

9) but this should be at the top of the list: cat.

Thanks for the advice, but I understand they're tough and stringy, with little flavor.

[dualstow]

9) but this should be at the top of the list: cat.

Thanks for the advice, but I understand they're tough and stringy, with little flavor.

Xan, try with ashwaganda root.

WiseOne and I talked about kava a little bit in the past. I can't remember if it was a public post or private message. A lot of the bad press is from people who had not-so-fresh root. Essentially tainted stuff. It's not that the fresh stuff destroys your liver, although everyone thinks that now.

That said, it can be physically addictive. There are withdrawal symptoms (bitchiness for example), and I don't think it should be taken long-term.
Addiction aside, the guys who drink it every day on Tonga have yellow skin and nails. That takes years. It was traditionally just taken during ceremonies, not every day.

(Maddy wrote) There are also certain herbs that I've found particularly effective for stabilizing a hyperreactive nervous system, namely ashwaganda root (you won't notice a sedating effect, but it does appear to level things out over the long term; it is referred to as an "adaptogen," which I infer to mean that it has an effect on the physiological stress response) and kava root (works very quickly to settle things down).

(MangoMan said) Be very careful with Kava, there have been reports of serious negative side effects.

[dualstow]

Dualstow, if your intent was to sway me to try Kava again, you have failed miserably.

To each his own.
If anyone else is curious, here's a place to start:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kava#Effects_on_the_liver

[jacksonM]

Guys, what do you do to make sure you stay mentally and emotionally healthy?

As I've gotten a bit older, and a bit wiser, I've devised strategies to help keep my mind healthy. My teen years and early twenties were an absolute disaster in particular. It's better, but I still struggle sometimes.

Some things I do to keep things in good order in this area:

1) Regular exercise - mostly bodybuilding stuff; some swimming and martial arts cross training
2) Adequate sleep - I don't skimp in this area; I try to get no less than 7 hours in an evening
3) Good diet - Eating a high protein diet along with lots of veggies; some fruit and low carbs; occasional treats
4) Trying to maintain active social connections
5) Being engaged with goals and work that are intellectually stimulating - don't just work for the sake of working... or just for money!
6) Semi-regular meditation and mindfulness exercises
7) Minimizing contact with people who would influence my emotional health negatively

I've occasionally seen a therapist too... though I've found they've had limited effectiveness.

What are your guys thoughts on this incredibly important (but often ignored) facet of our lives?

I agree with most of these points but I would add to stay as far away from the medical establishment as long as you can if you don't really think you are sick but just want to find out if maybe you are wrong. They will have to run a lot of tests just to test your theory and it could cost a lot of money. And they might even find that some ridiculous number in their tests proves the point and you can be put on on expensive medicines with followup visits for the rest of your life.

So just choose a healthy diet, hop on your bike or go for a run/walk to your own satisfaction and avoid this nonsense.

[l82start]

#? eliminate clutter.... knowing what you own, why you own it, and where you keep it, is a nice mental health booster.

[WiseOne]

Great thread!

What number are we up to? In any case:

N+1) Take time off work, if you are working full time. Ignore the pressures to never take vacation time. No need to travel, staycations are absolutely wonderful and very much underrated. Schedule them ahead of time and regard them as sacrosanct, just as if you were going somewhere and had bought an expensive plane ticket. (Taking one today in fact!)

N+2) Daily quality downtime in some form. Outside/nature is optimal (sort of meditative), actual meditation, cross stitching, reading all work too. TV is the easy default but probably not a good option unless you play a youtube video of a fireplace or something.

[Cortopassi]

I agree with most of these points but I would add to stay as far away from the medical establishment as long as you can if you don't really think you are sick but just want to find out if maybe you are wrong. They will have to run a lot of tests just to test your theory and it could cost a lot of money. And they might even find that some ridiculous number in their tests proves the point and you can be put on on expensive medicines with followup visits for the rest of your life.

So just choose a healthy diet, hop on your bike or go for a run/walk to your own satisfaction and avoid this nonsense.

+1

[Smith1776]

Wow.. some stuff in this thread that I've never even thought of. I never considered herbal solutions, for instance. Great stuff.

I understand the sentiment of the people wanting to poop on the idea of taking extra steps to maintain your mental/emotional health. Maybe this whole idea seems wishy washy. However, you probably are in a lucky position to have never been in dire straits in this regard -- some of us have not been so lucky.

Not to be melodramatic, but I've had challenges in this area all my life. I'm sure others on this board have as well.

As someone else mentioned in the thread, finding a mrs. that doesn't drive me nuts has been especially challenging. At what point does one simply settle for someone that feels like less than a perfect match? I'm hoping no one on this forum has had to do that.

EDIT: I have been and will continue updating the OP as people comment or make contributions. I am hoping this thread will prove useful to anyone who comes across it.

[Maddy]

I understand the sentiment of the people wanting to poop on the idea of taking extra steps to maintain your mental/emotional health. Maybe this whole idea seems wishy washy. However, you probably are in a lucky position to have never been in dire straits in this regard -- some of us have not been so lucky.

Some people seem to zip through life with a U-Haul in tow; others, such as myself, are destined to lumber about in a moving van. For many of us, staying on course entails a fair bit of strategy, the unfortunate consequence of having an unwieldly, highly atypical, nervous system. On the bright side, being a little bit idiosyncratic ensures that we're never boring.

As someone else mentioned in the thread, finding a mrs. that doesn't drive me nuts has been especially challenging. At what point does one simply settle for someone that feels like less than a perfect match? I'm hoping no one on this forum has had to do that.

I can only speak for myself, but I'm convinced that pairing up is vastly overrated. I can count on one hand the couples I've known who have the kind of relationship that would be even remotely tolerable to me. And they all tend to be people with a much greater capacity for flexibility, filtering, and adaptation than I. In short, they're all "U-Haul" people. And besides, being alone has a number of highly underrated advantages, not the least of which is the ability to control one's immediate environment to alleviate stress or (for the aspies among us) to process all the stuff that rattles around like pachinko balls in our heads. For those of us who need long expanses of solitude like a fish needs water, being alone is a very effective, even necessary, strategy for staying balanced.

So, having identified yourself as someone who has had to take extra steps to maintain mental health, it seems strange to me that you would find yourself questioning whether you should "settle" for something less than ideal. if it's companionship you crave, how about a dog? I've heard it said, "You've never had a friend till you've had a dog," and it's true. If it's a warm body in bed that you need, you can't beat a cat. It's the hallmark of wisdom to know what you, as a unique individual, need and to create that for yourself regardless of what everybody else seems to think is important.

[Kriegsspiel]

So, having identified yourself as someone who has had to take extra steps to maintain mental health, it seems strange to me that you would find yourself questioning whether you should "settle" for something less than ideal. if it's companionship you crave, how about a dog? I've heard it said, "You've never had a friend till you've had a dog," and it's true. If it's a warm body in bed that you need, you can't beat a cat. It's the hallmark of wisdom to know what you, as a unique individual, need and to create that for yourself regardless of what everybody else seems to think is important.

I think Smith wants a human female, who could beat the cat in a sex contest. Possibly in conversation too.

[Smith1776]

So, having identified yourself as someone who has had to take extra steps to maintain mental health, it seems strange to me that you would find yourself questioning whether you should "settle" for something less than ideal. if it's companionship you crave, how about a dog? I've heard it said, "You've never had a friend till you've had a dog," and it's true. If it's a warm body in bed that you need, you can't beat a cat. It's the hallmark of wisdom to know what you, as a unique individual, need and to create that for yourself regardless of what everybody else seems to think is important.

I think Smith wants a human female, who could beat the cat in a sex contest. Possibly in conversation too.

Thank you for this.

Again, I wasn't meaning to get melodramatic with anyone in this thread or anything -- just trying to keep it real.

No point in talking about mental health if we're not going to be forthcoming about how people have social needs that are more than platonic. To say it's not an important contributor to mental/emotional health is to fool oneself.

I often flip flop on the issue. It's frequently a "grass is greener on the other side" sort of thing. When I'm single, marriage is on the mind. When I'm in a relationship, I'm thinking about how I miss... how shall I put it... my "freedom"?

[Smith1776]

For those of you following this thread, I've been doing some research.

Highly related to what we've been talking about is Glasser's choice theory. You can read about it here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glasser%2 ... ten_axioms

Here are the axioms:

1. The only person whose behavior we can control is our own.
2. All we can give another person is information.
3. All long-lasting psychological problems are relationship problems.
4. The problem relationship is always part of our present life.
5. What happened in the past has everything to do with what we are today, but we can only satisfy our basic needs right now and plan to continue satisfying them in the future.
6. We can only satisfy our needs by satisfying the pictures in our Quality World.
7. All we do is behave.
8. All behavior is Total Behavior and is made up of four components: acting, thinking, feeling and physiology
9. All Total Behavior is chosen, but we only have direct control over the acting and thinking components. We can only control our feeling and physiology indirectly through how we choose to act and think.
10. All Total Behavior is designated by verbs and named by the part that is the most recognizable.

[Maddy]

Okay, I'm wierd. But animal companions are WAY better than sex.

Seriously, though. . . Haven't you just expressed the essential dilemma of nearly all men?

[dualstow]

At what point does one simply settle for someone that feels like less than a perfect match? I'm hoping no one on this forum has had to do that.

Adam, I have never been part of a perfect match. I have found someone who puts up with my flaws, and the good outweighs the bad. (I suppose the cat and I are a perfect match, but I also need another human in the house).

[Xan]

Okay, I'm wierd. But animal companions are WAY better than sex.

You only say that because you apparently have never found the right partner. Regardless, it's not an either/or.

YIKES!!! Where are you going with this??

Somewhere out there, there are dog/cat owners who also have good sex.

Oh. hmm. Okay then.

[Maddy]

It doesn’t take a scientific study to know that spending some time with a cuddly cat or friendly dog will probably put you in a better mood. That being said, researchers from Washington State University have found objective, physiological evidence that just 10 minutes spent petting a cat or dog will lower stress levels.

https://www.studyfinds.org/pet-your-wor ... rs-stress/

[WiseOne]

I agree with most of these points but I would add to stay as far away from the medical establishment as long as you can if you don't really think you are sick

Just had to comment on this - not only do I heartily agree with this, but you might be surprised to know that most specialists would say the same. There are way too many "worried well" seeking unneeded care and self-diagnosing with all kinds of crazy stuff like chronic Lyme, it's practically a national pastime.

Where I digress from my medical peers is on the issue of preventive medicine. Great idea in theory, but often worthless in practice. This is due to: 1) there is no such thing as a test or procedure with no adverse effects, 2) benefits are going to be accrued by a very small number of people, but everyone is subject to the adverse effects which makes the math pretty much insurmountable, and 3) benefits should be measured in terms of increased survival and not "risk of death" - which is 100% for every human on the planet, guaranteed. They aren't measured in those terms for the excellent reason that the numbers don't look good.

[boglerdude]

chronic Lyme

Is it real?

[dualstow]

I agree with most of these points but I would add to stay as far away from the medical establishment as long as you can if you don't really think you are sick

Just had to comment on this - not only do I heartily agree with this, but you might be surprised to know that most specialists would say the same. There are way too many "worried well" seeking unneeded care and self-diagnosing with all kinds of crazy stuff like chronic Lyme, it's practically a national pastime.

...

I wonder if I’m Worried Well/hypochondria lite. I had not been to the doctor in a couple years, but I went recently, because of some discomfort that hasn’t gone away in three months and counting. Could be nothing, but...nip it in the bud?

[WiseOne]

Dualstow, sounds like a completely reasonable doctor visit if it's something new and unexplained that's persisting.

It may not always be obvious but there is definitely a realm of routine glitches that just kinda come with the territory of being a human being. For example, a numb toe in women wearing fashionably pointy flats or heels, or achy backs in people who are carrying around an extra 50 lbs and sit all day. Seeing a doctor for these things and getting a bunch of tests and a magic pill that the doctor has to order because you know, you'd get upset if they didn't and give them a poor rating on healthgrades or whatever, is not doing good things for medical costs. The problem is that the tests and pills all have adverse effects, whether you realize it or not. Every doctor has a story of an innocuous "might-as-well-since-you're-here" test that led to a cascade of iatrogenic badness.

For thousands of years, people just kind of knew to take these things in stride, and doctors were there to deal with relatively rare events when something went obviously wrong. Now, people have been frightened into considering themselves machines that have to be constantly maintained by doctors, and every glitch could signify a life threatening condition. Physician organizations love this state of affairs, but individual physicians understand that the medical system was never intended to be this way.

[WiseOne]

chronic Lyme

Is it real?

NO. It's a cottage industry run for the benefit of a few quacks.