The Differences Between Men and Women

[MediumTex]

I was thinking about the differences between men and women the other day, and it's harder than I would have thought to articulate the differences when you get past physical appearance.

Here are a few that I came up with (stereotypes obviously play into a lot of this, but I think that it's because many stereotypes contain more than a nugget of truth):

1. Men are physically stronger than women, and this basic physical difference seems to be the driver for many other social, emotional and psychological differences.  The greater strength point is obvious, but the connection of greater physical strength to other differences is not as obvious.

2. Men are more overtly competitive.  Women can be just as competitive as men, but in my experience female competitiveness is more subtle.

3. Men are more comfortable being crass.  I'm not sure why this is the case, but it is.

4. I can't make the blanket statement that women are more emotional than men, but women seem to express emotions more readily than men.

5. Women seem to fascinate men more than men fascinate women (or maybe men do fascinate women but we are too dopey to realize it).

6. The things that make a women attractive are different than the things that make men attractive, either to the same sex or the opposite sex.

7. When it comes to the first few years of a child's life, women seem to have a more primal connection to their children than men do.  The love each parent feels toward his/her children may be the same, but the mother just seems to have a more natural understanding of the parental role, while the father must learn many of the things that come naturally to the mother. 

8. Property and power seem to play a larger role in the lives of men than in the lives of women.

9. A fascination with violence seems to play a larger role in the lives of men than in the lives of women, while a fascination with the inner emotional landscape seems to play a larger role in lives of women than in the lives of men.

On an internet forum, for example, how do you know whether another person is a man or a woman?  For me, I can usually tell it's a man by how quickly he reacts to a perceived challenge or insult.

If you disagree with some or all of my points above, how would you describe the differences between men and women?

[dualstow]

4. I can't make the blanket statement that women are more emotional than men, but women seem to express emotions more readily than men.

I feel like women also have a wider range of emotions. That's not to say that men are missing something, but when the women I know have "mixed feelings", there is quite a palette there.

On an internet forum, for example, how do you know whether another person is a man or a woman?  For me, I can usually tell it's a man by how quickly he reacts to a perceived challenge or insult.

You can't go by the screenname, anyway. Right Annie?

[WildAboutHarry]

One of my old college professors said the main differences are that men like to fight, spit, and bet on games, and that women generally do not.

So

Fight:  Your #1, #2, #8, and #9

Spit: Your #3

Bet on Games:  Your #2 and #8

Another point made by that same (or perhaps another) professor was that since women are largely in charge of child raising (your #7) men are what they are because mothers raise them that way.  It is not our fault!

Ah, college...

[MediumTex]

I've always thought it was bizarre that women, when given the choice, often seem to think that being in the work force is more important than staying home with their children.

To me, raising children properly is the most important job in all of society.  The idea that a person would step away from that role and outsource the raising of their children in order to go toil in an office where the path to success consists mostly of mastering Dilbert logic is bizarre.

[Benko]

Competition:  women are very competitive, just not in the way we as men typically think of.  Women have always been competitive with other women in e.g. attracting men.  This has probably changed little since cave man/women times.  OTOH there are more women now who are competitive in the way you are talking about e.g. sports, etc.

If you read a mystery novel without knowing the sex of the writer, you can often tell the sex of the author by whether the descriptions of everyone's clothing, room scenery, etc is brief, or more detailed.

Women love attention and getting it is a big deal.  Being desirable. 

Someone I knew commented that women have richer emotional lives, which is probably accurate. 

[l82start]

there is some difference in the way women and men tell stories as well, men tend to have a point and the parts of the story build toward that point, women's stories have a point as well (i think) but the story's meander and wander filled with details that don't necessarily seem to have connection to the point of the story or be building towards it..

[Kshartle]

there is some difference in the way women and men tell stories as well, men tend to have a point

bwahahahahahaha

Reminds me of "Planes, trains and automobiles"

"When you're telling a story, here's an idea, have a point. It makes it so much nicer for the listener.....Your stories aren't even interesting, accidently!"



When my GF and her friends start telling stories, I contemplate the nature of my bellybutton.

I still love you ladies

[Mountaineer]

I've always thought it was bizarre that women, when given the choice, often seem to think that being in the work force is more important than staying home with their children.

To me, raising children properly is the most important job in all of society.  The idea that a person would step away from that role and outsource the raising of their children in order to go toil in an office where the path to success consists mostly of mastering Dilbert logic is bizarre.

That could be a natural consequence of a relatively recent (last 50 years or so) culture that places emphasis on pleasing or helping self rather than others.

... Mountaineer

[MediumTex]

I think that Lord of The Flies-type scenarios are less common among groups of women.

Men seem to have that whole "explode in rage" thing that you don't see as often in women.  Yeah, I know that's testosterone.

As with so much past prejudice and discrimination, it's really sad that women have spent so much of human history being treated poorly by male-dominated society.  Women obviously have far more to offer society than I think men appreciated until a few decades ago.

Any time someone tells a story of how they had this amazing teacher when they were growing up in the 1950s, 60s or 70s and wonders where such teachers are today, I always think to myself "they are in C-suite positions in corporations or in some other types of executive positions."  The reason those women from the past were teachers was just because there was no other career path available to them.  Similarly, all of those Florence Nightingale-style nurses from the past are doctors today.

I remember Sandra Day O'Connor talking about how when she finished law school she interviewed with several law firms that offered her positions as a legal secretary.

[dualstow]

It should be pointed out that once upon a time, males did not even exist on earth. Females were doing just fine reproducing and living their lives before the advent of sex and males.

[WildAboutHarry]

[quote=dualstow]It should be pointed out that once upon a time, males did not even exist on earth. Females were doing just fine reproducing and living their lives before the advent of sex and males.[/quote]

If I recall correctly, sex comes in three flavors in the biological world (what I learned in college, not personal experience):

Isogamy (motile sex cells structurally similar)

Anisogamy (motile sex cells structurally different)

Oogamy (one small motile sex cell (male), and one large non-motile sex cell (female))

And in terms of who produces what kind of sex cells you can have separate individuals producing one or both types of sex cells. 

So perhaps dualstow is recalling isogamous times, but without oogamy there can be no femaleness, and if you have oogamy you have to have maleness.  Or perhaps dualstow is thinking of something like this - Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death

[Thomas Hoog]

10) men can distinguish about 10 11 differences, woman about 1000.
11) men are interested in differences between sexes, woman are not.

[dualstow]

It should be pointed out that once upon a time, males did not even exist on earth. Females were doing just fine reproducing and living their lives before the advent of sex and males.

...
So perhaps dualstow is recalling isogamous times, but without oogamy there can be no femaleness, and if you have oogamy you have to have maleness.  ...

@wah @desert

No, I'm talking about parthenogenesis and also evolutionary biology books that address life before the advent of sexual reprodcution.

[Libertarian666]

"The things that make a women attractive are different than the things that make men attractive, either to the same sex or the opposite sex."

This is very important, and even more important is the fact that although everyone knows what makes women attractive to men, the opposite is much less widely known, and women are not actually very forthcoming about this issue. Women will generally claim that they are attracted to men who are nice to them, provide for them, and generally follow the advice of mainstream "relationship experts". However, many men have been relegated to a sexless marriage or blindsided by a surprise divorce after doing all those things. What women actually want, in the sense of being sexually attracted to men who behave certain ways toward them, is something quite different.

See the "Married Man Sex Life" forum for details.

[Pointedstick]

IMHO, the truth is that in terms of attraction, being a "nice guy" a bonus, not a requirement. A man needs to be confident, decisive, bold, and industrious first and foremost. That's why there are pickup artists, and so many women find themselves attracted to horrible jerks and bemoan the lack of nice guys; in the same way that shallow, high-maintenance women can manipulate men using their bodies, awful men can manipulate women by taking on the aspects of these these qualities while actually being controlling abusers.

It also means that a man will be red hot if he is both nice and powerful.

IMHO.

[Libertarian666]

IMHO, the truth is that in terms of attraction, being a "nice guy" a bonus, not a requirement. A man needs to be confident, decisive, bold, and industrious first and foremost. That's why there are pickup artists, and so many women find themselves attracted to horrible jerks and bemoan the lack of nice guys; in the same way that shallow, high-maintenance women can manipulate men using their bodies, awful men can manipulate women by taking on the aspects of these these qualities while actually being controlling abusers.

It also means that a man will be red hot if he is both nice and powerful.

IMHO.

No, being a nice guy (providing comfort) is not attractive sexually, at least to the vast majority of women. Providing comfort is a positive in a long-term mate, but it won't turn them on.

Again, see Athol Kay's MMSL for details on how to balance comfort and attraction.