Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

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Smith1776
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Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by Smith1776 » Fri Nov 12, 2021 4:01 am

Hello, my friends. An update for those of you who know my situation.

Ever the dramatic one, the past 2 months have been easily the worst 2 months of my life. But I am still here and alive. Many of you know i've been going through some pretty harrowing times in leaving an abusive relationship. For now I'll spare you guys a rehash of the gory details of what happened during the ordeal.

Since leaving however I've been in a low place. Like, suicidally low. I've been hospitalized twice, had police intervention called to my house twice, and have had god knows how many hours of therapy. Some coping mechanisms (some of which have been maladaptive) have included: way too much weed; MDMA; sleeping with randoms; clubbing for the first time in 8 years; acupuncture; brain stimulation; antidepressants; laughing gas; and probably a bunch of others i'm forgetting.

I had attempted suicide like 3 times and wrote like a half dozen suicide notes (and kept deleting them).

PP RELATED NOTE: I have been on sick leave/stress leave from work for a while from all this tumult. Fortunately, HB's principles and the money I had stashed away in the PP kept me safe and I was able to pay my bills and such from all this.

I am not out of the woods yet, but am doing better. I have elected to stop looking at her social media and that has certainly helped. More than any kind of antidepressant or drug or the like, I've been finding that the best true coping mechanism is just getting out of the house and doing something... anything. Even if it's just grabbing a coffee or seeing a friend. Just don't stay at home.

I am here. I am alive, but barely. There were some moments that were seriously dire for me, where I was very close to actually checking out. I've been chatting with a few forum members here and they can probably attest to that.

Anywho, WHY am I posting about this? Well, you guys are my friends so I'd like to keep you guys apprised of the situation. Second, and this one is far more important: I'd like your advice on my recovery. I'm still depressed and shook up from this trauma and I am sure there are recovery modalities I am not aware of. Any input is appreciated. Thank you so much guys.
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Re: Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by Hal » Fri Nov 12, 2021 5:16 am

Hi Smithy,

Great to hear from you again. Happy to hear you are slowly on the improve.
Always remember Miso your dog thinks you are the most important person in the world - a true friend.

Feel free to PM me anytime you want.

Kind Regards,
Hal
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Re: Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by Mountaineer » Fri Nov 12, 2021 5:55 am

Smithy, my heart goes out to you. I can't begin to imagine the pain you are enduring. I shall keep you in my prayers.

My suggestion is to read the Bible and start going to a conservative confessional church (i.e. one that believes the Bible is the Word of God, not just contains the Word of God). Attend Bible studies as well as going to the Sunday services. Talk with the Pastor and ask him to meet with you, answer your questions and develop a relationship. If you were in the US I'd suggest finding an LCMS (Lutheran Church Missouri Synod) congregation; in Canada explore this website https://www.lutheranchurchcanada.ca and look for a congregation. You might also contact https://issuesetc.org/team/ and ask for suggestions for a church, or any other questions you might have.

Re. Bible reading, if you have not done so for a while, John and the Psalms are good places to begin. A podcast that gives a broad overview is "A Field Guide to the Bible" from 1517 Podcast Network. Be sure to listen to the episodes in order; first episode is May 21, 2021.

PM me anytime.

God's Blessings, ... Mountaineer
Everyone WILL live forever. The question is, will you be joyful and singing every moment for all eternity, or weeping, gnashing your teeth, and tormented every moment in the unquenchable fire for all eternity?. 😇 or 🤬
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Re: Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by I Shrugged » Fri Nov 12, 2021 10:55 am

I'm super glad you are here and telling us about it.

I'm terribly unqualified to offer any meaningful advice. It's hard for anyone who doesn't know you to know what you are going through. In general though, I think man is wired to be anxious and vigilant. I'm sure natural selection did that. And in first world middle classes and above, we no longer have to worry about the basic survival problems. So instead, our minds are vulnerable to taking counter productive turns about things that don't matter as much as we let them matter. It sounds like you might be caught in this trap.

I am only an observer of social media, not a user, unless you count forums like this. I think socials are destroying people. Everyone on Instagram is perfect, right? And look at the great things they are doing. How come I'm not like them? Plus all the negativity, mockery, and all that.

I think you'd be surprised how many people in your life care for for you. We here do for sure.
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Re: Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by Xan » Fri Nov 12, 2021 11:06 am

Smith,

Very glad you're still with us... In every sense of the phrase!

For what it's worth, my advice would be to try to take your focus off of yourself. If you're constantly taking your own temperature (so to speak), evaluating your own happiness, trying to gauge how you think and feel about everything, you (in my experience) will end up in a vicious cycle of selfishness. Because the way to become for (lack of a better word) happier is to focus on something outside of you.

Find somebody who needs something that you can give, and give it. Maybe that's volunteering at a soup kitchen. Maybe it's using some particular skill you have to help some non-profit. Maybe it's doing cleanup or construction at a local park. Maybe some kind of big brother program.

There are a thousand ways that you can directly make somebody else's life better. Work on that rather than working on making your own life better. As CS Lewis said, "Aim at Heaven and you will get Earth thrown in. Aim at Earth and you will get neither." I think it could be changed to apply here: aim at someone else's happiness, get your own thrown in. Aim at your own and you will get neither.


To build off what Mountaineer said: a lot of churches put the focus on you: have YOU done enough to be right with God? What are YOU feeling deep inside? How does this text make YOU feel? That's the wrong approach. That's the approach of the world. At church we should get a respite: the focus is NOT on you. It's on God FOR you. It doesn't matter how much or how little value you assign to yourself: you need to hear what value God assigns to your life. The worship service is not there to entertain you, or to make you feel any particular way. It is there to deliver God's gifts. It is there to allow you to stand in the stream that the faithful have stood in for thousands of years. It is there to allow you to be just one voice among dozens or hundreds at the local congregation and one voice among countless millions of the saints past and present singing a joyful hymn.

I believe I've recommended this church before, at 49th and Kerr in Vancouver: https://www.vancouverlutheran.org/


Along the lines of getting your own happiness thrown in: it's places things like this (attending church, or volunteering, in general helping somebody else) where you will be more likely to meet the girl who's right for you. It's not the kind of thing you can engineer. It'll just happen.
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Re: Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by Jack Jones » Fri Nov 12, 2021 11:40 am

Smith1776 wrote:
Fri Nov 12, 2021 4:01 am
Since leaving however I've been in a low place. Like, suicidally low. I've been hospitalized twice, had police intervention called to my house twice, and have had god knows how many hours of therapy. Some coping mechanisms (some of which have been maladaptive) have included: way too much weed; MDMA; sleeping with randoms; clubbing for the first time in 8 years; acupuncture; brain stimulation; antidepressants; laughing gas; and probably a bunch of others i'm forgetting.

I had attempted suicide like 3 times and wrote like a half dozen suicide notes (and kept deleting them).
Aw man, sorry to hear about that. Well, some if it sounds like a good time. O0 I also smoke too much weed, I've overdone it on MDMA, and have indulged in the laughing gas. I've also been diagnosed w/ depression and used to do therapy and took medication for it. Both were effective long-term.

Here is my healthy mind kit. If I stray on these things, things tend to go downhill.

- sleep (consistency, go to bed when it's dark, don't fight your circadianness)
- exercise
- meditation (exercise for the mind, sense of purpose, long term goal)
- food
- supplements:
- 1/2 a multivitamin
- fish oil
- magnesium
- choline (on non-egg days)
- acetyl L carnitine (helps w/ weed side effects)

Since you're comfortable w/ mind altering drugs, consider psilocybin w/ a skilled practitioner. On the other side of the spectrum, CBD is an anti-psychotic and may help with the substance use issues.

Also, there's an important principle that I tend to forget, the Principle of Existential Validation:
Any idea, or system of values, or religious system, anything that impinges on individual existence, can validate itself or disqualify itself by its consequences for the health and fulfillment of the individual. . . If it is life enhancing, health promoting, increasing the capacity for love, wisdom, and beneficence of the individual, if it makes it possible for an individual to realize his inner potential, if it brings one into greater harmony with the Fundamental Order of Existence, it is valid.

If it has a disruptive, pathogenic effect, it is not valid. This principle of existential validation liberates us from sectarianism and cultural isolation. It makes it possible to know what to consider seriously and appreciate and what can be dismissed out of hand. . . .If this marvelous principle were more universally understood, there would be no more intolerance or prejudice, xenophobia, fear, religious hostilities, or political strife. It would be a unifying principle.
In other words, observe what is working and what is not, and adjust accordingly. It's harder than it sounds because our existence is so habitual.

Finally, listen to some John Prine. It worked for me, Bill Murray, and Hunter S. Thompson.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDpZCZPMRJ8
Last edited by Jack Jones on Sun Nov 14, 2021 6:16 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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Re: Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by pugchief » Fri Nov 12, 2021 1:03 pm

I was going to stay out of this, but WTF? This is some of the worst advice I have ever heard.

1. PSA to you religious guys: No one wants to find Jesus unless they are already into that.
2. PSA to you substance abusers: Suicidal people should stay as far away from drugs and alcohol as possible.
3. PSA to men (and women) everywhere: Stay away from relationships with people who are BPD, bipolar, or general crazy. As soon as you see any red flags, terminate immediately. There are plenty of normal people to date.

Literally the only good advice so far was to sleep normal hours, exercise, and eat healthy. And for goodness sake, take a shower.

Focus on yourself, making yourself the best version of you that is possible, and people of the opposite sex will come to you.
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Re: Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by dualstow » Fri Nov 12, 2021 1:27 pm

Hi Smithers

I remember you said the wait for group therapy, or indeed any therapy, is long in Canada. Are you still on the list?
Hang in there, my friend. And you, too, Jack.
The Beatles started it - they did it the best, and everyone who came after them were a kind of Beatles tribute band. ~ Kurt Cobain
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Re: Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by Desert » Fri Nov 12, 2021 1:39 pm

Mr. Smith, thanks for sharing. We haven't interacted a lot, and I don't have any magic solutions. But one thing that has always helped me is getting outside mid-day, regardless of weather, and getting some sun (or even cloudy natural light). Walking at a normal pace outdoors can work wonders in my life.

Another thing to consider is seeking out some volunteer work, helping folks who are economically downtrodden. I've done some financial counseling with such groups, and it's both incredibly frustrating and rewarding at the same time. This kind of work can really help calibrate one's thoughts and feelings. With the Holiday season approaching, there may be opportunities to do some simple things like serving meals at a shelter, delivering clothes, or something like that.

The world needs thoughtful people like you.
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Re: Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by pp4me » Fri Nov 12, 2021 3:27 pm

I think you should wait and live your whole life before deciding whether it was worthwhile or not.

You never know what's going to happen and what do you really have to lose if your life is so bad that you are at rock bottom?

You could end up winning the lottery and marrying the most beautiful girl in the world.

Or things could get worse but you'll never know unless you play the game.
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Re: Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by sophie » Fri Nov 12, 2021 6:27 pm

Jeez, I had the same reaction as pugchief. This is not a safe situation that Smith is describing.

Smith, your highest priority should be to get into regular counseling, 2-3x/week at least. If Canada is anything like the US, and I suspect it is, counseling is on a cash basis and that can be difficult. A good alternative is pastoral counseling through your church. Please do wander in and ask about this. Just tell them you need help, and is there a counseling service they can point you to. If you're in school (I forget if this was the case or not), the institution may also provide counseling services.

And, if you are feeling unsafe or considering hurting yourself, call someone right away. Someone tangible, I mean, who cares about you e.g. your parents. Or your GP, or anyone else you might want to talk to.

If this was all triggered by the abusive relationship, then it will pass eventually. Hang in there! It sounds like you've already figured out a few things that can help you through difficult moments, and that's good.

And, can you post every day to let us know how you're doing??

Saying a prayer for you. -- Sophie.
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Re: Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by drumminj » Fri Nov 12, 2021 8:14 pm

Hey Smith...don't post here much but have appreciated your participation over the years...

Want to chime in and be another voice here to show you're valued, and also not alone.

I've had some very rough spots in life due to relationships as well (not as bad as you describe), but for me it ultimately took time and finding value and happiness in myself and in helping others as has been said.

In one case, getting into a new environment (summer internship in another state), meeting new people, doing new things, and finding enjoyment in that helped a lot. Led to me trying new things once back "home" (coaching youth soccer, for example), and feeling that I could be happy, and also that other people valued me.

In another, finding new hobbies and activities I was good at and could focus on -- rock climbing, volunteering for animal rescue, playing guitar. Really, it came down to finding value in myself, who I was, and the things I enjoyed.

Therapy/talking to someone who cared to listen helped as well.

As you say, getting out and doing something/interacting with friends can help a lot. I have friends I will forever be indebted to (but probably will never know/understand how big a difference it made in my life) for that one time they invited me to (or agreed to) do something when i really needed to get out. Leverage that whenever you can.

Happy to read you're still with us. Feel free to PM/reach out if you ever want to chat.
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Re: Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by boglerdude » Sat Nov 13, 2021 2:08 am

Drugs will make depression worse, use only when you dont need them.

If you dont have a friend you can talk to about anything, get a therapist.

Another person (SO) cant cure your depression/anxiety and vice versa. You have to be happy being single, then maybe a relationship will improve your life.

Full or part-time job/volunteer work. Unemployment destroys people.

Gym daily until you dont need to go daily. Hire a trainer if necessary. If you physically cant drag yourself in, ask therapist for medication to get there.

You're willing to ask for help, so you'll get through it. Sounds like everyone here is willing to talk via PM as well.
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Re: Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by pugchief » Sat Nov 13, 2021 7:32 am

boglerdude wrote:
Sat Nov 13, 2021 2:08 am

Another person (SO) cant cure your depression/anxiety and vice versa. You have to be happy being single, then maybe a relationship will improve your life.

This is a gem. So true, yet understood by so few.
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Re: Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by sweetbthescrivener » Sat Nov 13, 2021 10:59 am

I suffered from a Major Depressive Disorder for years. Therapy and Wellbutrin worked for me.

I don't know if you are ready for this or not, but there are plenty of men out there in the same boat and the worst thing is that feminism has hijacked men's protective instincts and no one believes you, either about the abuse or the depression.

There is a very sweet and compassionate therapist online whose content I have been following for years, that is, I have read her articles and seen her interviewed, not been her client, and I would start at her website. She has many many articles for men who have been abused. She has a good sense of humor too:

https://shrink4men.com/

I have also been following this guy recently:

https://www.therespondent.com/

His book is the number one best seller in divorce and suicide on Amazon. You can find his Youtube channel at his site.

From his videos and interviews you will see that the tide is turning, and that the reality of female abuse in relationships is no longer being denied by a significant group of people.

You are seriously not alone, and there are many men and women out there now advocating for men in abusive situations, so just hang in there, seek help, and if you feel it will help you, find resources on the internet, maybe a forum where you can compare notes with other men and see how common this situation is.

Feel free to pm me for other resources.

To echo others, start with counseling, reaching out when you feel suicidal, and then see if anti-depressants might help.

Of the resources I have listed, I would start with Dr. Tara Palmatier at Shrink4men. She might be a breath of fresh air, even if all you do is read some of her articles.

Hang in there bro.
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Re: Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by moda0306 » Sat Nov 13, 2021 5:00 pm

Smith1776 wrote:
Fri Nov 12, 2021 4:01 am
Hello, my friends. An update for those of you who know my situation.

Ever the dramatic one, the past 2 months have been easily the worst 2 months of my life. But I am still here and alive. Many of you know i've been going through some pretty harrowing times in leaving an abusive relationship. For now I'll spare you guys a rehash of the gory details of what happened during the ordeal.

Since leaving however I've been in a low place. Like, suicidally low. I've been hospitalized twice, had police intervention called to my house twice, and have had god knows how many hours of therapy. Some coping mechanisms (some of which have been maladaptive) have included: way too much weed; MDMA; sleeping with randoms; clubbing for the first time in 8 years; acupuncture; brain stimulation; antidepressants; laughing gas; and probably a bunch of others i'm forgetting.

I had attempted suicide like 3 times and wrote like a half dozen suicide notes (and kept deleting them).

PP RELATED NOTE: I have been on sick leave/stress leave from work for a while from all this tumult. Fortunately, HB's principles and the money I had stashed away in the PP kept me safe and I was able to pay my bills and such from all this.

I am not out of the woods yet, but am doing better. I have elected to stop looking at her social media and that has certainly helped. More than any kind of antidepressant or drug or the like, I've been finding that the best true coping mechanism is just getting out of the house and doing something... anything. Even if it's just grabbing a coffee or seeing a friend. Just don't stay at home.

I am here. I am alive, but barely. There were some moments that were seriously dire for me, where I was very close to actually checking out. I've been chatting with a few forum members here and they can probably attest to that.

Anywho, WHY am I posting about this? Well, you guys are my friends so I'd like to keep you guys apprised of the situation. Second, and this one is far more important: I'd like your advice on my recovery. I'm still depressed and shook up from this trauma and I am sure there are recovery modalities I am not aware of. Any input is appreciated. Thank you so much guys.
Hey man... I went through some mild depression and life-strain issues. I've found that finding cheap, socially-positive hobbies that contribute to my health and life in other ways was a huge gift to me. I can't speak much to the effectiveness of counseling, religious exposure, or how exactly to fold in your health/unhealthy family & friends... as those can be a bit of a needle to thread. You'll have to consult others on those.

I'll just tell you what worked for me and you can take it or leave it... there's probably better advice on here.

Mainly, I got into working out and cooking... the latter especially had given my brain a huge distraction and hobby very different from my 9-5 mental strain, while helping me be more socially valuable and more healthy to boot.

The fun part is you consume your production relatively quickly, and even if it's mediocre, it's rarely bad, and if you have a constant-improvement mind-set, you're never starved of a new angle you can take things if they get old. To clarify this a bit, I came across what I believe were the following categories of life health that you want to work to at least keep in a modestly good state.

1) Social/Family health
2) Occupational Health
3) Physical Health
4) Financial health
5) Emotional Health
6) Spiritual health
7) Intellectual health/stimulation

(These are probably exactly what they were I don't think but pretty close)

I was trying to design my life in a way that included things that would serve to "accidentally" contribute to as many areas of health as possible while being as detrimental to as few as possible. For instance, I could go on an alcohol-fueled bender with my friends (and surely did), but it was a disaster for almost every area of health besides social. I wanted to avoid these types of indulgences, as I knew they were a net cost to me. These were the little traps I was finding myself in... that if I wasn't careful, my solution to one would possibly be toxic or non-contributive to other priorities.

One thing that I quickly realized was going to improve almost all of these areas was learning how to cook... and even better, choosing to make it something I wanted to get really good at, and eat the progress along the way :). And it really has contributed to all other areas in ways I didn't think it would. It's been far easier than I thought it would be, and far more gratifying. Where it is difficult, it's difficult because I make it so, because I am deeply interested in making something better.

Also, it looks like you're a dog owner. I can't begin to tell you how gratifying becoming a dog owner as of about 20 months ago has been. Embracing wanting to be a good "Dog Dad" has also been something that seems to contribute all around. Just taking Rooney for walks helps me on multiple levels.

This is all I can say, other than I hope you find whatever works. You've always come off as a really good dude that we need more of in the world.
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Re: Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by Smith1776 » Sun Nov 14, 2021 5:34 pm

Hal wrote:
Fri Nov 12, 2021 5:16 am
Hi Smithy,

Great to hear from you again. Happy to hear you are slowly on the improve.
Always remember Miso your dog thinks you are the most important person in the world - a true friend.

Feel free to PM me anytime you want.

Kind Regards,
Hal
Those first couple weeks were truly harrowing... but yes, I'm on the mend. In a certain sense I almost feel guilty about moving on. Not that I should.

I will PM you for sure. Thank you for your support.
I act as if God exists.

https://youtu.be/SG7mKcIVvQQ
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Re: Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by Smith1776 » Sun Nov 14, 2021 5:45 pm

Mountaineer wrote:
Fri Nov 12, 2021 5:55 am
Smithy, my heart goes out to you. I can't begin to imagine the pain you are enduring. I shall keep you in my prayers.

My suggestion is to read the Bible and start going to a conservative confessional church (i.e. one that believes the Bible is the Word of God, not just contains the Word of God). Attend Bible studies as well as going to the Sunday services. Talk with the Pastor and ask him to meet with you, answer your questions and develop a relationship. If you were in the US I'd suggest finding an LCMS (Lutheran Church Missouri Synod) congregation; in Canada explore this website https://www.lutheranchurchcanada.ca and look for a congregation. You might also contact https://issuesetc.org/team/ and ask for suggestions for a church, or any other questions you might have.

Re. Bible reading, if you have not done so for a while, John and the Psalms are good places to begin. A podcast that gives a broad overview is "A Field Guide to the Bible" from 1517 Podcast Network. Be sure to listen to the episodes in order; first episode is May 21, 2021.

PM me anytime.

God's Blessings, ... Mountaineer
I took your advice to heart. I decided to check out a new church in my area. It's only a 15 minute drive away, so I attended my first service there. Same faith, new community. It was truly refreshing. The story of Christ and the voluntary acceptance of suffering truly hit me at the core. I am trying to absorb this idea that courageous acceptance of life's suffering is what allows us to truly transcend it.

It is wonderful to have a friend like yourself here.

Same faith, new church.


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I act as if God exists.

https://youtu.be/SG7mKcIVvQQ
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Re: Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by Smith1776 » Sun Nov 14, 2021 5:50 pm

I Shrugged wrote:
Fri Nov 12, 2021 10:55 am
I'm super glad you are here and telling us about it.

I'm terribly unqualified to offer any meaningful advice. It's hard for anyone who doesn't know you to know what you are going through. In general though, I think man is wired to be anxious and vigilant. I'm sure natural selection did that. And in first world middle classes and above, we no longer have to worry about the basic survival problems. So instead, our minds are vulnerable to taking counter productive turns about things that don't matter as much as we let them matter. It sounds like you might be caught in this trap.

I am only an observer of social media, not a user, unless you count forums like this. I think socials are destroying people. Everyone on Instagram is perfect, right? And look at the great things they are doing. How come I'm not like them? Plus all the negativity, mockery, and all that.

I think you'd be surprised how many people in your life care for for you. We here do for sure.

I agree that social media is absolutely ruining people. Knowing that you can peer into the life of your ex (a curated view at that) at any time is too much of a temptation to resist. And every time I succumb to that temptation it's like picking at the wound that's trying to heal. I've tried to block her and not look at her stuff... but that usually only lasts a day before I unblock. I can't even "delete" her number since i've memorized it. I often think of how much better my recovery would be at this point if I managed to not look at any of her stuff since day 1. I'd be much further along. It's essentially a form of psychological self harm. My therapist literally called her heroin... and i'm basically in withdrawal.

Facebook (Meta) has internal documents that were leaked that confirmed they know that social media is bad for people's mental health. It causes so much angst, fomo, and depression. You're absolutely right that my mind is stuck in a counterproductive loop, and this is part of it.
I act as if God exists.

https://youtu.be/SG7mKcIVvQQ
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Re: Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by Jack Jones » Sun Nov 14, 2021 6:20 pm

Smith1776 wrote:
Sun Nov 14, 2021 5:50 pm
I agree that social media is absolutely ruining people. Knowing that you can peer into the life of your ex (a curated view at that) at any time is too much of a temptation to resist. And every time I succumb to that temptation it's like picking at the wound that's trying to heal. I've tried to block her and not look at her stuff... but that usually only lasts a day before I unblock. I can't even "delete" her number since i've memorized it. I often think of how much better my recovery would be at this point if I managed to not look at any of her stuff since day 1. I'd be much further along. It's essentially a form of psychological self harm. My therapist literally called her heroin... and i'm basically in withdrawal.

Facebook (Meta) has internal documents that were leaked that confirmed they know that social media is bad for people's mental health. It causes so much angst, fomo, and depression. You're absolutely right that my mind is stuck in a counterproductive loop, and this is part of it.
Just keep trying not to look. Eventually the behavior will extinguish itself. You know it's not good for you, eventually you'll stop.
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Mountaineer
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Re: Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by Mountaineer » Sun Nov 14, 2021 6:41 pm

Smith1776 wrote:
Sun Nov 14, 2021 5:45 pm
Mountaineer wrote:
Fri Nov 12, 2021 5:55 am
Smithy, my heart goes out to you. I can't begin to imagine the pain you are enduring. I shall keep you in my prayers.

My suggestion is to read the Bible and start going to a conservative confessional church (i.e. one that believes the Bible is the Word of God, not just contains the Word of God). Attend Bible studies as well as going to the Sunday services. Talk with the Pastor and ask him to meet with you, answer your questions and develop a relationship. If you were in the US I'd suggest finding an LCMS (Lutheran Church Missouri Synod) congregation; in Canada explore this website https://www.lutheranchurchcanada.ca and look for a congregation. You might also contact https://issuesetc.org/team/ and ask for suggestions for a church, or any other questions you might have.

Re. Bible reading, if you have not done so for a while, John and the Psalms are good places to begin. A podcast that gives a broad overview is "A Field Guide to the Bible" from 1517 Podcast Network. Be sure to listen to the episodes in order; first episode is May 21, 2021.

PM me anytime.

God's Blessings, ... Mountaineer
I took your advice to heart. I decided to check out a new church in my area. It's only a 15 minute drive away, so I attended my first service there. Same faith, new community. It was truly refreshing. The story of Christ and the voluntary acceptance of suffering truly hit me at the core. I am trying to absorb this idea that courageous acceptance of life's suffering is what allows us to truly transcend it.

It is wonderful to have a friend like yourself here.

Same faith, new church.



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Smithers, thanks for the update. With God all things are possible. Hang in there.

Blessings. …Mountaineer
Everyone WILL live forever. The question is, will you be joyful and singing every moment for all eternity, or weeping, gnashing your teeth, and tormented every moment in the unquenchable fire for all eternity?. 😇 or 🤬
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Re: Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by murphy_p_t » Mon Nov 15, 2021 8:55 am

Smith, I share this image of great desolation, in case you find reflecting upon it helpful, in some small way.
pieta-by-michelangelo-saint-peter-vatican-city-rome-nicola-simeoni.jpg
pieta-by-michelangelo-saint-peter-vatican-city-rome-nicola-simeoni.jpg (223.56 KiB) Viewed 380 times
I have prayed to the Theotokos, Mater Dei, Comforter of the afflicted, for you.
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Re: Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by Kbg » Mon Nov 15, 2021 12:11 pm

Smith1776,

Sorry to hear you've been in such a dark place.

In my most humble and most non-expert opinion, the best practical advice you have received is if you are at a point of wanting to take your life is to seek help immediately to get some sane intervention in what is a warped decision making process you will be/are going through. (Stay away from drugs is a strong runner up.)

After that, there are many paths to getting whole again several of which have been brought up here. All of these are suggestions; only you will be able to find the precise path that works for you. You will know it when you are on it (or them) because you will in your heart and mind know you are getting well again. If you are trying something and you can feel it is hurting or not helping, then that's not it for you. It's not your path or method. Your search may take a while, that's okay. You can, and will find your path.

And remember, you got this.
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Re: Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by dualstow » Tue Nov 16, 2021 5:53 am

Smith, I was listening to the podcast called ‘The Hilarious World of Depression’ this morning. It was the episode with Steven Page of Barenaked Ladies.

If I hadn’t just battled a large red spider in the basement I could better recall what I heard earlier, but it was interesting to hear about his recurring feeling of dread even during the peak of his success. Page talked about not being able to get out of bed in the morning, where previously he thought other people talking about it were using hyperbole. (So did I). This happened even before he shot a video for a famous song, and he “put on the mask”, got it done, and then went home and crashed.

He also mentioned getting an appointment for a psychiatrist…8 months away. Canada.
The Beatles started it - they did it the best, and everyone who came after them were a kind of Beatles tribute band. ~ Kurt Cobain
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Re: Still Here... By The Skin Of My Teeth

Post by Smith1776 » Tue Nov 16, 2021 2:30 pm

Xan wrote:
Fri Nov 12, 2021 11:06 am
Smith,

Very glad you're still with us... In every sense of the phrase!

For what it's worth, my advice would be to try to take your focus off of yourself. If you're constantly taking your own temperature (so to speak), evaluating your own happiness, trying to gauge how you think and feel about everything, you (in my experience) will end up in a vicious cycle of selfishness. Because the way to become for (lack of a better word) happier is to focus on something outside of you.

Find somebody who needs something that you can give, and give it. Maybe that's volunteering at a soup kitchen. Maybe it's using some particular skill you have to help some non-profit. Maybe it's doing cleanup or construction at a local park. Maybe some kind of big brother program.

There are a thousand ways that you can directly make somebody else's life better. Work on that rather than working on making your own life better. As CS Lewis said, "Aim at Heaven and you will get Earth thrown in. Aim at Earth and you will get neither." I think it could be changed to apply here: aim at someone else's happiness, get your own thrown in. Aim at your own and you will get neither.


To build off what Mountaineer said: a lot of churches put the focus on you: have YOU done enough to be right with God? What are YOU feeling deep inside? How does this text make YOU feel? That's the wrong approach. That's the approach of the world. At church we should get a respite: the focus is NOT on you. It's on God FOR you. It doesn't matter how much or how little value you assign to yourself: you need to hear what value God assigns to your life. The worship service is not there to entertain you, or to make you feel any particular way. It is there to deliver God's gifts. It is there to allow you to stand in the stream that the faithful have stood in for thousands of years. It is there to allow you to be just one voice among dozens or hundreds at the local congregation and one voice among countless millions of the saints past and present singing a joyful hymn.

I believe I've recommended this church before, at 49th and Kerr in Vancouver: https://www.vancouverlutheran.org/


Along the lines of getting your own happiness thrown in: it's places things like this (attending church, or volunteering, in general helping somebody else) where you will be more likely to meet the girl who's right for you. It's not the kind of thing you can engineer. It'll just happen.

That last part hit hard. Thank you. It's definitely not something you can force, and I'm really trying to put that into perspective. As of now I'm attempting to become everything I possibly can be. To be the best Smith1776 I can possibly manage.

I am no longer suicidal, because I want to give myself the opportunity to manifest the best version of myself first before checking out. I know this still sounds alarming and rather extreme, but I have a 2 year plan. In my current state I don't think I can stand living out my natural life feeling this way, but I think I can imagine 2 years. I'm giving myself 2 years to maximize my potential and to become what I can become. If it doesn't work out, I'll check out at age 35.

I'm HOPING this attitude will take me to 35, and that by then I'll want to stay alive regardless. Either way, it's better than my previous plan of wanting to die in 2 days.

Thank you for the church recommendation. A new place to express my faith is exactly what I needed. You may have seen my post above with my picture at a new church I visited. I will be an official member soon!
I act as if God exists.

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